Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about lovers who were
fantastic in the sack and what made them stand out. Maybe it’s because the last two I’ve
experienced left me a bit unsatisfied, for lack of a better word. I know that sounds a bit harsh but perhaps
I’ve reached a level of maturity where quality truly does matter more than
quantity. Although it makes for fun
conversation with my married guy friends to brag about racking up numbers, it
just doesn’t cut it for me, these days. No,
you’re not taking away my man card either.
What I’m trying to say is that, from a pure sex perspective, I want my
partner to bring something to the party beyond her vagina. I want to have my socks at least jostled, if
not rocked, when I get into the sack.
Let’s face it, life’s too short to spend a bunch of time playing the
game to find out he or she is a dud in bed.
What makes a woman good in the sack, to me? (Obviously, the following babble will apply
only to me but perhaps others will find insight from the points I’ll make) After giving the topic some thought, I’ve
come up with the following list (guys love lists!). The best lovers I’ve experienced all have
certain traits in common. Some are
amazing for different reasons than others.
But they all possess two or more of the below attributes in spades,
along with a healthy ‘competency’ in the remaining areas.
So, in no particular order…
1 – A willingness to be slutty – If you’ve read my previous
entry on sluts, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Some of my most memorable encounters have
been with women who allow themselves to embrace their slutty side. They unapologetically need to be fucked and
get off in as many ways as possible. I’m
not looking for a complete slut, per se, but things like dropping to your knees
and taking me in your mouth, while standing on the deck, is always a nice
surprise. Tell me to fuck you like a
dirty slut from time to time. Beg me to
pull out and shoot my hot cum all over your ass, tits, face, or belly. Skip the underwear, occasionally, when we go
to dinner; then tell me about it at the restaurant. And let’s face it, what guy (other than the
insecure ones) doesn’t get turned on watching a woman bring herself off for
him?
2 – Be open to new experiences – this is kind of a follow-on
to number 1, particularly if you’re a slut in training. The hottest example (those who have read
previous posts might remember this one) I can offer is with a lover who I
asked, while she had me in her mouth, ‘do you want to touch yourself while
you’re sucking my cock?’ She reached
back and began to play with her clit and orgasmed almost immediately. Then she asked me if I’d like for her to move
so I could have a better view of her touching herself. Yes please!
One of the reasons the experience was so hot was that, afterward, she shared
that she had never done anything like that for another partner and found the
act very exciting. In fact, she yelled
at me for exposing her to the variation; ‘Every time I think about doing that
to you, I wind up having to pull out my vibrator!’
My point is that the great thing about sex is it’s an
experience that evolves the more you do it.
Or at least it should! Doing the
same thing, the same way, over and over, rarely holds my attention.
3 – Tell me what you want – This is probably the one trait
that stands above the others as a turn on, for me. It’s an attribute that is shared by all the
women who have rocked my world in the sack.
To be sure, I’m not saying I want someone who will guide me through the
entire process like a rookie. I think
I’ve graduated beyond ‘insert Tab A into Slot B. And trust me, I’ll figure out rather quickly
how my partner’s wired (i.e. does she respond more to stimulation of her clit
or g-spot). What I’m referring to are
things that even the more attentive men might miss or not be comfortable
initiating. Two examples that remain
prominent in my ‘damn, that was hot’ memory happened to occur with the same
woman.
The first might seem a bit tame, but it should be taken in
context. After our second date, she came
back to my place for some high quality making out. I really liked this woman and, surprising as
this may sound, I’m somewhat old fashioned during the ‘getting to know you’ phase
of what seems to be a genuine romantic relationship. She didn’t strike me as being the kind of
girl who would appreciate being pawed on the second date, so I was sticking to
the kissing agenda. Turns out she wanted
to be pawed and let me know by grabbing my hand and placing it on one of her
breasts. I know it sounds silly but I found
that to be pretty stimulating. And a
good time was had by all.
The other example is quite a bit hotter. I’ll recount the entire evening at some point
but the highlight was her telling me that watching a guy stroke his hard cock until it exploded turned her on. She asked if I would do that for her and cum
all over her tits. Sure,
it was hot…damn it was hot, but that act was not something I would typically
suggest to a partner. So, had she not
asked, her lovely breasts would have remained unglazed and her fantasy wouldn’t
have been made into reality.
4 – Take an active role – One of the things I pride myself
on, is the skill to ensure sex with me is more of an experience than a
standalone act. Kind of like Disney
World, but with sex toys. Not going to
go into details beyond that it’s about setting the right mood for the direction
the evening’s play is going to take, usually keying off my partner’s vibes
prior to the funky stuff. I’m a Type A
and very competitive, so my goal is to make my partner remember me with the
right amount of dampness. Physically, I’ll
work my ass off to insure she walks away with a bit of stiffness in her
thighs. That being said, it’s nice, to
occasionally not be the one to take the lead.
Even nicer is to ensure I get to cum, from time to time. Yes, a guy just said that and this is not an
alternate universe.
You see, after 45 minutes of proper thrusting, one’s
johnsonrod tends to become desensitized.
Plus, by that point, I’m hitting the wall, in terms of general
stamina. Throw in more than one partner
who could be referred to as ‘gushers’ (where friction becomes almost
non-existent), then add certain women’s tendency to buck their hips when they
orgasm, and you wind up having a coronary before you have one of your own. Again, I’m all about pleasing my partner but,
if we’ve had sex half a dozen times and I haven’t had an orgasm, I’m probably
gonna lose some interest. Yeah, it’s
nice to hear ‘you’ve screwed me into a catatonic state’ or ‘I think you broke
me’ but, for cryin’ out loud, suck it up and finish me off once in a while!
5 – The right amount of submissiveness – Being a Type A
personality, both in and out of the bedroom, it follows that I appreciate when
my partner is on the submissive side. Surprisingly,
this isn’t as important as I’d initially thought. In fact, there is such a thing as a partner
being too submissive for me. Exhibit A
would be a woman I dated for a year or so.
She was incredibly sub in the sack.
It seemed that no matter what I envisioned in terms of dominating her,
she would get more excited. Tie her to
the bed and violate her in nasty ways?
She was in. Inflict pain and
humiliation? She’d be first in
line. You’d think that having what I
would consider the ultimate fuck toy would be awesome. And it was, for a while. But I ultimately hit the realization, much
like in some of the other examples, that I was doing all the work, all the
time. It seemed that there was more
‘doing to her’ than ‘doing things to each other’. Sure, I pride myself on putting in the effort
blah, blah, blah. But, if I’m the only
one putting in any effort in the bedroom, you’d better start putting effort
elsewhere, like cleaning my kitchen.
Yes, that was a chauvinistic comment and I’ll own it.
6 – A Connection – Yep, it helps to respect the person
you’re about to get naked with. To want
to spend time with them beyond the bedroom.
It makes you want to put the effort into making the experience as
gratifying for both parties as possible.
Respect is so key for me, in terms of sleeping with someone. As I told a woman I was dating, I truly can’t
treat a woman like a whore unless I respect her.
Respect builds trust and trust is crucial toward trying
things that push your partner’s comfort envelope. Without it, how can you ever expect him/her
to live out your fantasy of having sex dressed as Rocky and Bullwinkle, while
riding a unicycle through an actuarial convention? It just isn’t gonna happen, no matter how you
attempt to convince your partner how hot it would be.
So, that’s my list.
Sure, there are other things that are nice to have, like your partner
being vocal (but don’t blow out my eardrums while my head is next to yours!),
but those are the attributes that I’ve found rock my world.
Which begs the question to my readers – what do you find to
be world rocking in a partner? I’d enjoy
hearing what others find to be complete turn-ons.
