This is Part 2 of a set of entries revolving around the same topic. In Part 1, we established definitions for a few terms I've used and will continue to use. This entry will be a sort of fact check on prevalence of those with mental health issues within my dating demographic. Am I allowing my frustration to cloud my judgment or am I correct in my assertion that you're more likely to encounter someone with mental illness, in my dating demographic, than one without?
Some of my readers have taken me to task on that very topic and insist something in my subconscious causes me seek out the broken. That it's a reflection of me and not the population. Because someone being wrong in the internet is intolerable, I've taken some time to research and locate relevant data to either support my claim or discredit it. However, before I share what I've found, I'll make a crucial point, which is I don't write about everything that happens to me. I've dated women who seem to be perfectly well adjusted and provided not a hint of being broken. But these women didn't work out, for one reason or another. They're not interesting enough for me to put the effort into writing about, so I doubt the material would grab my readers' attention. Let's be honest, it's the fucked up stuff that people want to hear about; people can't turn away from a train wreck. So that's mostly what I write about.
Important Words and Stuff: Before I go any further, I'd like to make my position on mental illness crystal clear. While it may seem that I'm flip about the topic and uncaring of those who suffer, nothing could be further from the truth. I do not in any way, shape, or form, consider those suffering from a mental illness to be defective, nor do I seek to marginalize them in any way (with the noted exception of those who refuse to even consider treatment for obvious conditions). I can both sympathize and empathize with those who struggle to maintain some sense of normalcy in their lives, despite the voices in their heads telling them they're not good enough, that they don't deserve happiness, etc. In most cases, these issues didn't develop on their own or because someone's 'defective'. Abandonment issues, for example, require multiple traumas to develop; traumas inflicted by others. The affected women I've encountered, have almost invariably been kind, warm, caring, engaging, intelligent, and very much deserving of someone's love. But because one or more very important people in their lives have hurt them deeply, their brain compels them to act in a manner that destroys their relationships. It's heartbreaking to see such amazing women act in such a self-destructive manner. However, they can also break the heart of those who might come to love them. Therefore, I don't want to wind up in a doomed relationship with one. Not wanting to date someone with a mental illness is not the same as feeling they should be tossed aside. It's a big distinction that I felt needed to be made.
As usual, it'll seem like I'm picking on women but, aside from the usual caveat that I don't date men, I'll also point out that according the NIH, women are 50% more likely to suffer from mental illness than men. This shouldn't be surprising because, as I mentioned above, a wide array of mental illnesses have their genesis in trauma; trauma inflicted mostly by men. There are a number of other factors for the disparity between sexes that I won't go into, because I'd just be plagiarizing this article on the topic. It's worth a read.
About The Data: In every instance, the data I'm using applies to any mental illness, as listed in the DSM. This guidebook is rather comprehensive, categorizing everything from psychosis to phobias to depression, so the numbers include everything, except where noted. Again, no data provided sufficient granularity except for studies on certain conditions which tend to make folks completely non-functional as people. That's of no value here. I'll say this again, when I state that X demographic is Y% more likely to experience mental illness, said mental illness could be anything from depression to complete psychosis.
My goal was to discover the incidence of mental illness in separated or divorced, college educated women between the ages of 40 to 50 (my dating demographic). It should come as no surprise that level of granularity doesn't exist. However, the data that is available allows us to sort of back into a number, albeit with some educated guesses. For example, all of the data sets I've found have too wide a range (26-49) for this exercise. However, when viewing a graph of what sets I have found, it's clear that the incidence of mental health illnesses peaks in the thirties and forties, so there will be some weighting involved there.
Takes a deep breath.... So, with all of that being said, let's see what I found. Every study I've found indicates a rather sizable gap between the likelihood of mental illness in married people versus separated or divorced. The logic is somewhat self-evident. A stable (even if not stellar) home life will often not only prevent some mental illness from metastasizing, but also mask existing issues. For example, a woman who's been even somewhat happily married for two decades isn't as likely to suffer from abandonment issues as one who's been divorced twice. Also, it would follow that more virulent mental illness may be the cause for some to be divorced. Certainly, this was the case with my ex-wife, whose borderline personality disorder destroyed our marriage.
And here's the actual data, for you numbers types.
We'll start by establishing a baseline.
26% of adult population suffer with a diagnosable or serious mental illness (NIH)
Women are 50% more likely than men in general. (NIH)
That extrapolates to 31% of women.
Throw in a 5% bump (see above) to ballpark an adjustment for women in their 40's and you ultimately reach a incidence of 33%.
However, this doesn't take marital status into consideration.
The only base data I could find, with respect to marital status was a source (Robins and Regier, 1991, p. 334) that says 44% divorced or separated have mental illness versus 24% for married people. In that case, if we adjust for women being 50% more likely to experience mental illness, we reach a number of 66%, with no age adjustment.
If we stick with the 31% baseline number, from the first scenario, and apply another data set I've found (Marital Status and Psychiatric Disorders, Journal of Health and Social Behavior, June 1992), the impact is even worse. According to this study, separated/divorced women are 2.59 times more likely than married women to suffer mental illness. Now, you're at 80% on the very low side. I don't necessarily buy into the magnitude of that particular data since the sample size isn't as large as I'd like it to be.
Regardless of which data you use, it supports my assertion that in my target demographic, you are more likely to find yourself dating someone with mental illness than not. Granted, it could be anything from depression to anxiety to multiple personality disorder, but that's the best I could find, short of funding a study of my own, which won't happen.
Stay tuned for Part 3 of this series, in which I whine, wallow in self-pity, and wonder if I'm being unreasonable. It'll be fun.
