At some point, over the past few weeks of lock down, I recall seeing something on social media on a trend of people reaching out to reconnect with their exes. I quickly dismissed it, because it's just not something I would do. That's not to say I wouldn't like to reconnect. With the exception of those like the thing that wouldn't leave and borderline ex-wife, I still respect the hell out of most of those I've been intimate with. Unfortunately, these are also the women who I was unable to give them what they wanted from me. Trust me, I miss interacting with a few of my previous partners and had tamped impulses to reach out, before the quarantine. But the last thing I want to do is dredge up feelings they've hopefully put in their little boxes. Causing others pain because of my own selfish motives isn't something I can allow myself to do. I just wish that someone would tell the ones I miss about the selfish thing.
This evening marks the third woman, who lives on the above list, to reach out. Two immediately ghosted me, one remains present and in communication.
How many exes have you reconnected with, during the lockdown?
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Blast From Past - My Turkish FWB
This entry is a bit unusual for me, because I'm taking a hard swipe at someone. Surprisingly, that person was the subject of a previous swipe. Read into that as you wish. My style is a bit raw and unrefined in this entry as well. You could interpret that to mean the topic wasn't important enough for me to edit and polish my writing. Or not...
When I was back in Richmond a few months ago, I had dinner with the former Turkish FWB I'd written about in The Girl Who Owned Nothing. I didn't mention the FWB part earlier, but that was a significant portion of our friendship. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to see her and, yes, perhaps enjoy some dirtiness. However, the evening wound up being one of the most unpleasant experiences I've had in recent memory. I'd have written about it sooner, except I'd not bothered to walk through the events, with a critical eye, until now. I tend to be a trusting sort with those I know, particularly if they've had my cock in their mouth, so I'm not attempting to spot lies. If someone's a known manipulative fuck, then I'm likely discounting everything that comes from their mouths in the first place. Speaking of fucks, I didn't have enough to care all that much about that evening.
I'll hold my conclusion on the matter and let my readers reach their own conclusions about what the hell was going through her mind.
When I'd reached out to FWB and let her know I was coming to town, she was aloof and made it clear a yet to be scheduled date with any other guy would take precedence over dinner with me and we definitely would NOT be having sex. It's heartwarming to feel welcomed by your friends.
During dinner, she regaled me with tales of having sex with different men and told me that one in particular was amazing. I asked what made him that way; what did he do to you? There was nothing specific, she said, just that the passion was so incredibly intense with him. I asked if any of these men had taken her ass from me or if I was still the only man who'd given her that pleasure. She told me I was still the only one, but quickly moved on to another topic. That seemed a bit strange, considering that was what she wanted most, once I introduced her to the act. If things were so passionate, why not ask for him to take her ass, too?
The conversation remained on the topic of sex. On orgasms, she had once told me she'd had more in the first encounter with me than her whole life up until that night. During dinner, that story changed. She claimed that I'd misunderstood her, when she'd said she was a virgin when she married her husband. 'We fucked like bunnies even before we were married and he gave me lots of orgasms.'
Hmmm...I feel a theme in here somewhere.
Oral sex - Our first time together, her blowjob skills were rather lacking; hell, she'd not had much experience. However, she took direction well, so with plenty of coaching, and a few videos I sent over, she became one of the best I've ever had. When the topic came up, during my recent visit, she told me she learned on her own, just by watching videos and that I had nothing to do with it.
Dick Size - One of the men she told me she slept with had a huge penis. Now, this woman is tiny in every way, so I asked if it hurt, to which she replied it was amazing having something that big in her. I'm average size, but have zero envy of larger cocks.
Surprisingly, my ego wasn't bruised with the pelting of veiled insults. However, it did sting a bit how she seemed to intentionally try to hurt me exactly where she thought she could do the most damage. I work hard to discover all the little things that drive my partner crazy, so I take pride in my skills in the bedroom. She knew this because she'd once told me 'your dedication to fucking is superior'. Yes, I wrote it down because I found it humorous. But she seemed to deliberately attack my ability as a lover.
Then, a few weeks later, I returned to the conversation and began considering the things she said. Let's just say the bullshit began piling up. Was the husband who rocked her world the same one she complained had been horrible in the sack, sometimes prematurely ejaculating before he'd gotten undressed? Did I miss her commenting on how watching blowjob videos and learning on her own improved her skills, when she'd been blowing me? And that amazing huge dick she loved so much; what about the well-endowed guy she'd slept with after I cut her off? The one who she said hurt her, because he was so large. And why again didn't she want that non-specifically passionate guy to not do the thing that made her orgasm the hardest? The non-specifically passionate guy who began the evening described as the love of her life and ended as just a fuck buddy, who used her for sex, then took another woman to his condo in Miami.
There were a few other things she said that evening that were in direct contradiction to her previous messaging. When she read of my imminent departure to KC, she came by my house, literally in tears, to say goodbye. I remarked that I was surprised she wasn't upset about the blog entry, to which she sniffed and responded 'it was true'. Except it suddenly became not true during dinner. I must have heard her wrong. Damned hearing clearly requires a professional assessment.
Then the obvious hit me. She had wanted me for herself the whole time and I rejected her. The evening full of jabs were her way of getting back at me. As with the manipulation, while we were involved with one another, it was petty and childish. But I still felt bad for hurting her.
When I was back in Richmond a few months ago, I had dinner with the former Turkish FWB I'd written about in The Girl Who Owned Nothing. I didn't mention the FWB part earlier, but that was a significant portion of our friendship. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to see her and, yes, perhaps enjoy some dirtiness. However, the evening wound up being one of the most unpleasant experiences I've had in recent memory. I'd have written about it sooner, except I'd not bothered to walk through the events, with a critical eye, until now. I tend to be a trusting sort with those I know, particularly if they've had my cock in their mouth, so I'm not attempting to spot lies. If someone's a known manipulative fuck, then I'm likely discounting everything that comes from their mouths in the first place. Speaking of fucks, I didn't have enough to care all that much about that evening.
I'll hold my conclusion on the matter and let my readers reach their own conclusions about what the hell was going through her mind.
When I'd reached out to FWB and let her know I was coming to town, she was aloof and made it clear a yet to be scheduled date with any other guy would take precedence over dinner with me and we definitely would NOT be having sex. It's heartwarming to feel welcomed by your friends.
During dinner, she regaled me with tales of having sex with different men and told me that one in particular was amazing. I asked what made him that way; what did he do to you? There was nothing specific, she said, just that the passion was so incredibly intense with him. I asked if any of these men had taken her ass from me or if I was still the only man who'd given her that pleasure. She told me I was still the only one, but quickly moved on to another topic. That seemed a bit strange, considering that was what she wanted most, once I introduced her to the act. If things were so passionate, why not ask for him to take her ass, too?
The conversation remained on the topic of sex. On orgasms, she had once told me she'd had more in the first encounter with me than her whole life up until that night. During dinner, that story changed. She claimed that I'd misunderstood her, when she'd said she was a virgin when she married her husband. 'We fucked like bunnies even before we were married and he gave me lots of orgasms.'
Hmmm...I feel a theme in here somewhere.
Oral sex - Our first time together, her blowjob skills were rather lacking; hell, she'd not had much experience. However, she took direction well, so with plenty of coaching, and a few videos I sent over, she became one of the best I've ever had. When the topic came up, during my recent visit, she told me she learned on her own, just by watching videos and that I had nothing to do with it.
Dick Size - One of the men she told me she slept with had a huge penis. Now, this woman is tiny in every way, so I asked if it hurt, to which she replied it was amazing having something that big in her. I'm average size, but have zero envy of larger cocks.
Surprisingly, my ego wasn't bruised with the pelting of veiled insults. However, it did sting a bit how she seemed to intentionally try to hurt me exactly where she thought she could do the most damage. I work hard to discover all the little things that drive my partner crazy, so I take pride in my skills in the bedroom. She knew this because she'd once told me 'your dedication to fucking is superior'. Yes, I wrote it down because I found it humorous. But she seemed to deliberately attack my ability as a lover.
Then, a few weeks later, I returned to the conversation and began considering the things she said. Let's just say the bullshit began piling up. Was the husband who rocked her world the same one she complained had been horrible in the sack, sometimes prematurely ejaculating before he'd gotten undressed? Did I miss her commenting on how watching blowjob videos and learning on her own improved her skills, when she'd been blowing me? And that amazing huge dick she loved so much; what about the well-endowed guy she'd slept with after I cut her off? The one who she said hurt her, because he was so large. And why again didn't she want that non-specifically passionate guy to not do the thing that made her orgasm the hardest? The non-specifically passionate guy who began the evening described as the love of her life and ended as just a fuck buddy, who used her for sex, then took another woman to his condo in Miami.
There were a few other things she said that evening that were in direct contradiction to her previous messaging. When she read of my imminent departure to KC, she came by my house, literally in tears, to say goodbye. I remarked that I was surprised she wasn't upset about the blog entry, to which she sniffed and responded 'it was true'. Except it suddenly became not true during dinner. I must have heard her wrong. Damned hearing clearly requires a professional assessment.
Then the obvious hit me. She had wanted me for herself the whole time and I rejected her. The evening full of jabs were her way of getting back at me. As with the manipulation, while we were involved with one another, it was petty and childish. But I still felt bad for hurting her.
So, the other night, I sent her a note apologizing for causing her so much pain. She responded by denying that was the case, of course. I may have shot a note back wondering why she spent an entire evening lying, in a deliberate attempt to hurt me. Or not...some things need to be a mystery.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Asking For What You Need
In just the past couple of months, I've taken some harsh criticism for something I take very seriously, not being there to support someone I love. Both accusations came from women; they hurt but also, to be blunt, pissed me off. Why? Because, in both instances, I wasn't aware they needed my support until I was accused of neglecting them. And that's the theme of this blog.
If you want something, ask for it!
This goes for anything you may need someone you love to provide for you. Support, sex, a shoulder to cry on, dinner out, whatever. However, we're not talking about another Prada bag or giving up golf. You're on your own for those sorts of things.
Before I go any further, let's get it out in the open; it's pretty much the men who are guilty of falling short in relationships. We all know it so I won't couch this entry by saying it applies to both sexes; it doesn't.
People in general, and men in particular, can't be expected to read minds. Take asking for emotional support as an example. Men are typically brought up to not show emotion; it's seen as weakness. Therefore, we almost never ask for someone to 'be there' for us. We're just not wired to consider that as an option, so that need doesn't pop into our head. If your entire family gets eaten by a herd of hippos, but you're soldiering onward, wearing a brave face, we think you've got it under control. About the only time we'll know you need us is if you're bleeding out on the floor after a knife fight.
I'll say it again - If you need something from your partner or close friend, ask for it. I'm not, in any way, saying you don't deserve what you're asking for. And whatever it is may be supremely self-evident to you. But even the most thoughtful guy is going to miss certain things from time to time. And I'll speak for the male gender when I say we're happy to do things in order to support you. Your happiness is very important to us. So ask for what you need.
If you don't ask, then don't complain, because you have no right to.
He should have known about whatever it is he missed? Perhaps, but, for whatever reason, he didn't.
Silence is tacit acceptance of what you're receiving from those around you, regardless of whether you deserve what they're not giving you.
I'll use the two women I mentioned as examples. Those who've read my other posts will recognize both of them. We'll start with my recent friend dumper. It seems she was upset that I wasn't there for her during the holidays, which are a difficult time for reasons I won't share here. Honestly, I'd forgotten, because she's always been the master of soldiering on. I hadn't been around due to my own self-centered issues and tough time, but that's not important. When I reached out, post holidays, she gave me the silent treatment and continues to.
When a friend isn't there for you, but you need them, which is the better option?
a) Friend 1 - 'Hey, if you're around, I could use some company. This time of year is a bit rough for me.'
Friend 2 - 'Sure, when do you want me to come over? Should I bring cake?'
or
b) Silence, followed by being resentful and angry enough to cut ties with your best friend.
She indicated, on social media, that had I offered an apology, she'd have likely accepted it. That information was a bit tough to come by, since she'd completely cut me off. Should I have known to send an apology? Probably. I fucked up with her. But obviously, I didn't.
Again, choose the better option:
a) Friend 1 - 'You suck as a friend! You disappeared when I needed you. You know the holidays are tough for me.'
Friend 2 - 'Oh shit, I forgot about that. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. You deserve better from me.'
or
b) Friend 1 - Silence
The other person is the woman I was dating while I was ignoring former friend's needs for me to be there. She was going through a challenging phase of her divorce and it was weighing heavily on her. However, she was, wait for it, soldiering on. After we broke up, she complained that I wasn't there for her during that tough time.
In both cases, I'm obviously sympathetic to their situation. However, when it comes to my not being there, the blame doesn't fall solely on me. Unless she got the bargain unit, the silver thing friend dumper carries around not only receives phone calls and emails, but it also initiates outgoing messages. She should try it sometime; it's really awesome. With respect to the apology, had she asked, I would have offered one; she was my best friend and I loved her for it. But rather than ask for what she needed, both my time and an apology, she ended our friendship.
In the case of the other woman, I was in the same damned room with her, when she claims I wasn't there for her. Yes, I was busy making Christmas cookies, but she never gave so much as a hint she needed my shoulder. Yet she bitched just the same after the fact.
In both cases, their needs were clearly justified, reasonable, and well deserved. Yet when they didn't receive what they needed, they didn't ask.
I'll repeat this one more time: Had either of the two asked for me to support them, I would have dropped everything to provide that support, no questions asked.
Ultimately, we must take responsibility for our own needs, even if we're forced to rely on someone else to meet them. Don't allow yourself fall into the trap of becoming bitter over something you could have received had you simply asked.
If you want something, ask for it!
This goes for anything you may need someone you love to provide for you. Support, sex, a shoulder to cry on, dinner out, whatever. However, we're not talking about another Prada bag or giving up golf. You're on your own for those sorts of things.
Before I go any further, let's get it out in the open; it's pretty much the men who are guilty of falling short in relationships. We all know it so I won't couch this entry by saying it applies to both sexes; it doesn't.
People in general, and men in particular, can't be expected to read minds. Take asking for emotional support as an example. Men are typically brought up to not show emotion; it's seen as weakness. Therefore, we almost never ask for someone to 'be there' for us. We're just not wired to consider that as an option, so that need doesn't pop into our head. If your entire family gets eaten by a herd of hippos, but you're soldiering onward, wearing a brave face, we think you've got it under control. About the only time we'll know you need us is if you're bleeding out on the floor after a knife fight.
I'll say it again - If you need something from your partner or close friend, ask for it. I'm not, in any way, saying you don't deserve what you're asking for. And whatever it is may be supremely self-evident to you. But even the most thoughtful guy is going to miss certain things from time to time. And I'll speak for the male gender when I say we're happy to do things in order to support you. Your happiness is very important to us. So ask for what you need.
If you don't ask, then don't complain, because you have no right to.
He should have known about whatever it is he missed? Perhaps, but, for whatever reason, he didn't.
Silence is tacit acceptance of what you're receiving from those around you, regardless of whether you deserve what they're not giving you.
I'll use the two women I mentioned as examples. Those who've read my other posts will recognize both of them. We'll start with my recent friend dumper. It seems she was upset that I wasn't there for her during the holidays, which are a difficult time for reasons I won't share here. Honestly, I'd forgotten, because she's always been the master of soldiering on. I hadn't been around due to my own self-centered issues and tough time, but that's not important. When I reached out, post holidays, she gave me the silent treatment and continues to.
When a friend isn't there for you, but you need them, which is the better option?
a) Friend 1 - 'Hey, if you're around, I could use some company. This time of year is a bit rough for me.'
Friend 2 - 'Sure, when do you want me to come over? Should I bring cake?'
or
b) Silence, followed by being resentful and angry enough to cut ties with your best friend.
She indicated, on social media, that had I offered an apology, she'd have likely accepted it. That information was a bit tough to come by, since she'd completely cut me off. Should I have known to send an apology? Probably. I fucked up with her. But obviously, I didn't.
Again, choose the better option:
a) Friend 1 - 'You suck as a friend! You disappeared when I needed you. You know the holidays are tough for me.'
Friend 2 - 'Oh shit, I forgot about that. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. You deserve better from me.'
or
b) Friend 1 - Silence
The other person is the woman I was dating while I was ignoring former friend's needs for me to be there. She was going through a challenging phase of her divorce and it was weighing heavily on her. However, she was, wait for it, soldiering on. After we broke up, she complained that I wasn't there for her during that tough time.
In both cases, I'm obviously sympathetic to their situation. However, when it comes to my not being there, the blame doesn't fall solely on me. Unless she got the bargain unit, the silver thing friend dumper carries around not only receives phone calls and emails, but it also initiates outgoing messages. She should try it sometime; it's really awesome. With respect to the apology, had she asked, I would have offered one; she was my best friend and I loved her for it. But rather than ask for what she needed, both my time and an apology, she ended our friendship.
In the case of the other woman, I was in the same damned room with her, when she claims I wasn't there for her. Yes, I was busy making Christmas cookies, but she never gave so much as a hint she needed my shoulder. Yet she bitched just the same after the fact.
In both cases, their needs were clearly justified, reasonable, and well deserved. Yet when they didn't receive what they needed, they didn't ask.
I'll repeat this one more time: Had either of the two asked for me to support them, I would have dropped everything to provide that support, no questions asked.
Ultimately, we must take responsibility for our own needs, even if we're forced to rely on someone else to meet them. Don't allow yourself fall into the trap of becoming bitter over something you could have received had you simply asked.
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