Down in Flames Part II - The Insightful Bachelor Bares His Soul

This afternoon, I connected with Number Four's mother and we spent two hours chatting.  I think she needed the conversation as much as her son needs my advice.  I filled in the gaps where she had been stuck at 'something just isn't right'.  Long story short, borderline doesn't change its stripes.  If anything, it's worse for Number Four, because it seems as I suspected, the ex has added narcissistic personality disorder to her mix.  She's essentially a more sophisticated Donald Trump, with boobs and no legs.

We cleared up a number of lies that have been told about me and confirmed certain suspicions I had at the time of my divorce.  Even the most independent soul appreciates some occasional validation.  The conversation provided validation for her as well.  There were a few chuckles over the blatant manipulation tactics my ex continues to use and it made me feel good to be able to provide some guidance that'll minimize the damage to Number Four, his mental health, and bank account.  Unfortunately, the call also broke my heart.

I've likely mentioned it in another entry, but when borderlines have more than one child, one becomes the 'white' child and a another, the 'black' child.  The white child can do no wrong and is the apple of their mother's eye.  The other child rarely does anything right and never feels unconditional love; their childhood is a series of loyalty tests.  In most cases, the black children become borderlines, themselves.  I knew nothing of this when I met my wife, but it was impossible to miss how she favored her son over her daughter.  In an effort to balance the situation, I made a point of showing Alexandra consistent, unconditional love.  She was my golden haired princess and I was both her fiercest protector and biggest cheerleader.  The two of us were thick as thieves.  But as she grew into her teens, our relationship became a bit rocky.  I continued to do my level best to be the constant in her life, but it was tough.  She had already begun to exhibit what I now know to be borderline tendencies and was frequently just out of control.  We had some contact after the separation, where I begged her to get into therapy, offering to choose a therapist and pay for her treatment.  Her mother had thrown her out, so I even offered to support her living expenses.  All she needed to do was go in with an open mind.  She wound up breaking contact shortly after, not managing to go to a single session.  Worth noting is my ex made it more attractive to the kids not to have contact with me, so we completely lost touch.  No, that didn't hurt at all or become one of the few topics I refuse to talk about any further than what you've just read.

Anyway, I still kept tabs on the kids via social media.  Alex went on to drive urban revitalization in our hometown, open two thrift shops, get married, and was named a woman in business to watch.  I was so proud of her and overjoyed that she seemed to have broken the cycle.

During my conversation with Number Four's mother, she told me that the Alex she knows is what she can best describe as angry.  She said she lies and manipulates almost as much as her mother, if not to the same level of sophistication.  Learning that completely broke my heart.  She's the innocent, the baby, and she's had no one to protect her who understands what she's really been through.  It's a fucking tragedy and a fucking crime.

Now, if you'll be so kind, I need to see about pulling a knife out of me...

Marriage Number Four Down in Flames!

For those who've muddled through my previous entries, you're aware of how my ex-wife is the gift that gave and has kept on giving.  From the manipulation, to the throwing of the ham, to the hell she put me through in our divorce, marrying hubby number four, and the piece de resistance, becoming a wedding officiant.  I thought that she was done, hoped she was done because I genuinely hold no ill will toward her and want her to be happy, because she's got more than her fair share of demons to contend with.  But I was optimistic because she and Number Four have been together for ten years, a new record for her.  I thought of her the other day and wondered if she'd finally gotten it together.

Then today, my father called to inform me that Number Four's mother reached out to him.  Apparently, the marriage is on its last leg and circling the drain, and NF wanted to know what divorce attorney I'd used.  I can only speculate that my ex complained about how much of a bastard the guy was, hence his desire to go with the same formula.  My attorney has no love lost for my ex, partially because she was trash talking him to his (unbeknownst to her) daughter at a cocktail party.  Oops...  Maybe he'll offer a discount; she is a repeat defendant after all.

I feel for the guy, because everyone who knows him has nothing but praise for how kind and goodhearted he is.  But as I've noted before, you have to be pretty naive and more than a little dense to sign up to be Number Four in the first place.  Poor guy is about to enter a living hell, when he asks for a divorce and no one deserves that.  I'm hoping to connect with him before he pulls the trigger, so he can at least be a little prepared for the firestorm that's about to engulf him.


All part of life's rich pageant, my friends.  Thankfully, I'm not on the stage as one of the players, this time.