Embracing The Slut

I decided to revisit this entry in order to correct a few what I consider important omissions.    

I’ll preface by stating that the garbage coming from my keyboard is based upon my own experiences and conversations; your mileage may vary as to whether it represents the general population.  

Being a student of human nature, I enjoy discovering the desires of my partners as well as what drives them.  When I was younger and incredibly naive, I had absolutely zero clue what women really wanted.  Growing up in puritanical middle of nowhere PA, I was raised to believe women needed to be convinced to have sex (because they didn't enjoy it) and that no matter what, you always always always treated them like ladies.  Our lives were mostly black and white.  We called women who slept around sluts.  Sluts were bad.  Obviously, over time, I've come to realize how wrong we were about so many things.  

I've since discovered women enjoy sex and want it as much as men, if not more.  Some men still haven't gotten the memo on that, but that's another story.  It took a bit longer to understand how women wanted to be treated in the bedroom.  As recently as my thirties, I recall no having no clue why my now ex-wife wanted me to lay her on the bed and brutally fuck her mouth.  Why she'd ask me to cause her pain during sex.  Honey, you're my wife and I could never mistreat you.  

Call me a late bloomer, but it's only been in the last 7 or 8 years that I've managed to put the pieces together to reach the 'AHA!' moment.  In that moment, I realized that women don't always want to be treated like ladies.  That promiscuity has nothing to do with being a slut and that being in love with a slut can be quite the rewarding experience.  That's the purpose of this entry.  I think it's time we set the record straight and embrace the slut.

(I feel as though there should be some opening music, similar to what's played after a talk show host completes his opening monologue)

What Is a Slut?
Before we dive into sluts themselves, it would be helpful to establish what a slut is and just as importantly, what a slut isn't.  A slut is a woman who enjoys being treated as a possession.  She's in touch with what brings her pleasure and how that pleasure's delivered.  She tends to enjoy pain (some or a lot), feeling like a possession and being reminded of her status as one, feeling as though she's just there for her 'owner's' pleasure (a fucktoy), being treated roughly, being dominated, and in some cases, being taken against her will.  Obviously that last one can be tricky and requires great care, because it's not as though you can ask a woman if she wants to be taken against her will.  In general, a slut will do anything (in the bedroom) the man for whom she's a slut wants her to.  Most sluts are monogamous and only wish to be the fucktoy of one trusted man.

Slut Shaming & What a Slut Isn't
This will be one of the rare times where I'll tell my readers how to think and behave.  Being a slut has absolutely nothing to do with promiscuity.  In fact, I've found that women who tend to sleep around aren't terribly good sluts.  However, that's not why society tends to look down upon these women.  Even today, our society retains the outdated notion that women should have only one partner.  That she's a bad person if she enjoys the company of more than one man, or if she jumps in the sack 'too quickly' between partners.  These behaviors will often label her a slut.  However, society doesn't have an alternate term for a women who behaves in this manner.  Therefore, I've decided to take ownership and create my own term, which shall become the standard.  From this point forward, a woman such as I described shall be known as a 'woman'.  I'll hit the double standard and move on.  Guys who act the same way are called studs or just 'guys'.  With respect to slut shaming, just don't fucking do it.  We know you may be threatened by her openness and lack of subservience to an outdated set of morals, but you'll get over it.  Trust me on this.

Back to the real sluts.  Being a guy, and having multiple experiences, I naturally want to engage in some categorization.  So, that's what I'll do.  While the slut factor is obviously a sliding scale with no absolutes, in my experience, women tend to fall into four different buckets.  A bit of clarification first.  The observations I’ve made were within the context of ‘traditional relationships’ with women who I considered to have long term potential.  All bets are off with one night stands and random hookups, which completely change the dynamics below. 

The Categories 

The first two are the easy ones.  There’s the Uninhibited Slut.  She enjoys being dirty, regardless of the partner(s), setting, or law enforcement present.  Being nasty excites her, the state of which tends to be her payoff.  She doesn’t care who knows she’s a dirty girl and it may even excite her further the more people who do know.

On the other end of the spectrum is the Non-slut.  Regardless of how insatiable she might be, she wants a traditional and vanilla fucking.  Fuck her, go down on her, she might blow you, and that’s it.  Don’t even think of tying her up because she isn’t into that, dirty talk, toys, or much else.  Thankfully, I’ve experienced very few of these women and they tend to vanish in short order.  Was it the midgets?

A step down from the top of the freak scale lives the Closet Slut.  She’s tried it all and knows what she likes.  She loves being slutty, but wants to keep it under cover, until the time is right.  The code word to unlock the fun for her is trust.  She must have absolute confidence there won’t be negative consequences she unzips her partner’s pants in a parking lot or screams like a banshee when she orgasms.  ‘Is he going to freak out when I ask him to tie me up and spank me?’  Once that trust is established, she goes from zero to delicious dirty girl in a heartbeat.  In all honesty, I haven’t run into too many women who fall into this group, but, when I do, I always enjoy the ride.

Most women I’ve encountered fall into the category I refer to as the Slut in Training.  Those who live in this realm have some experience being slutty but they still have plenty of exploring to do.  They would enjoy being sluttier but aren’t always sure how to go about it.  They are a bit more self-conscious about pushing boundaries with their partners and will require the right kind of motivation to expand boundaries.  Trust is even more crucial for the Slut in Training, but once you've earned it, she becomes a willing pupil.  In short, sluts in training love sex and are open to trying most things to enhance the experience, but the road to (greater) depravity for them is more of a boulevard than an autobahn. 

I'll freely admit how much I love hearing ‘I want to be your dirty little slut.’  And that’s the thing, most closet sluts and sluts in training want to be your slut and your slut only.  When they want to push boundaries, they want you to take charge and shove them on their knees to suck you, to spank them and pull their hair while you take them from behind, etc.

What drives women to be sluts?

Women have come a long way in terms of respect in society and the workplace.  They’ve worked their asses off to gain parity with men and have no time or respect for those who blatantly and consistently view women as subservient second class humans.  And they sure as hell won’t date someone that sees them that way.      

These women spend their time having to be hard asses at work in order to be taken seriously and in many instances, begin to doubt their own femininity.  They’re still women and want to feel desirable; they want their man to view them as such.  Inside, there is a part of them that wants to be objectified and controlled; they want their trusted partner to ‘stake their claim’ and take ownership of their bodies.  This is the sentiment I've heard from multiple women.  BTW, that was another new concept for me.  Having been brought up to consider women as equals only to discover they craved to be objectified from time to time.  

Because I'm not content to just enjoy my slut, I frequently query them about their desires.  One woman told me, almost verbatim, ‘I spend all day running my business, maintaining a household, making decisions, being a good mother, and all that other garbage.  So, in bed, I want my guy to take charge, spank my ass, pull my hair, and make me his fuck toy.  I want to feel like a woman.’

Insert applicable commentary on traditional gender roles, if you feel so inclined.

While most of the above isn’t necessarily new, I’ll throw out another observation that may be counter intuitive.  That is self-assured, intelligent women tend to be the absolute best sluts.  I've had multiple women, all having their shit together, say the exact same thing.  'I want to be treated like a dirty whore.'   Why would someone who's worked her way into a position of great respect want to be degraded and objectified?   Someone treasure and and definitely falls into the category of successful, buttoned up professional, recently shared her perspective on why being a slut turns her on so much.  For her, she said, the excitement came from being completely vulnerable.  How can one get more vulnerable than being at the complete mercy of a man, where he could do with his woman as he pleased?  Admittedly, the level of vulnerability could be heightened, were the man a stranger, but there's a difference between vulnerable and dangerous.  Although, such encounters aren't exactly unheard of.  

So, the smarter and more self-assured a woman is, the more her desire to be treated like a possession.  But does the logic hold true at the other end of the spectrum?

In my experience, yes, women who tend to be less secure with themselves are more reticent toward being your slut.  Many have the desire, but are concerned about being perceived as a slut outside of the bedroom.  I've encountered this in cases where a woman has been treated as a slut, period.  Unfortunately, men tend to treat women poorly, in this internet dating world of instant gratification.  If a woman who already has some lingering doubts about their self-worth falls prey to more than one man who said all the right things, just to get her into bed, then disappeared, it's perfectly understandable that she begins to have concerns over being perceived as a slut (misused term in this case). It's a double edged sword for a woman who possesses a strong sex drive.  Something a woman once said to me perfectly illustrates the angst that can be felt.  'I don't want to be classified as a slutty girl.'   In other words, she's afraid of being considered a slut when she only wants to be a slut for the right person.  In her mind, it's difficult to win because even now, it seems she's feels as though she should be ashamed of enjoying sex.  Women with more significant self-esteem issues (where their insecurity encompasses both their personal and professional lives) are almost never interested in being a slut.  When I dated one of these women, I recall her telling me point blank ‘I’m not going to be anyone’s toy.’ 

There does come a point where a woman’s self-esteem drops low enough that she becomes more open to being a slut for you.  That one’s pretty obvious; she'll push any boundaries you want in order to keep you from rejecting her.     

Men are saying to themselves, ‘I’ve been with a few confident women and they weren’t slutty at all; what’s up with that?’  The most common reason I’ve heard from women as to why they aren’t sluttier is because men, as a group, are an insecure lot.  If a woman wants to try a toy or to be watched while she brings herself to orgasm, the first thought from most men is ‘if she can do it herself, why does she need me around?’  Side note of irony as these behaviors are universal turn on’s for guys; until they happen.  One woman told me about having to stroke a previous boyfriend's ego after he discovered her favorite toy was larger than him.  The other factor that brings out men’s insecurity is considering their partner’s ‘dirty past’.  They want their girlfriend / wife to be a dirty whore for them but don’t want to consider they’ve been a slut for anyone else.  If the gf/wife suggests dirty things that turn them on, they risk their partner going into the mode of ‘damn, she must be a real whore to find out that turns her on.’  Followed by ‘someone taught her that thing that I’ve never thought of so why would she want to be with me?’ So many guys still secretly harbor the ‘I want to be the first’ feelings toward women and have serious issues when confronted with evidence to the contrary.  ‘Just how did she learn she liked to be DP’d?  What a whore!’ 

I never really understood being insecure in that manner.  First, I’m happy if a woman knows what gets her off and would happily shake the hand of the guy(s) who helped her discover those things.  Second, it’s rarely the male who comes up with the dirty things.  While I pride myself as someone who pushes the envelope, just as often as not, it’s my partner who brings up a fantasy she wants to live out. 

My ideal partner has to be the slut in training.  This has nothing to do with insecurity and not wanting a woman who’s experienced more than me, but everything to do with how much I enjoy exploration and, if I’m honest, my competitive streak.  Very little gives me as much satisfaction, in the sack, than helping a partner discover something new that completely trips her trigger.  Hearing ‘oh my God, I never thought I’d like that’ is an amazing feeling! 

Probably my favorite experience of helping my partner discover new things was with a woman I dated a few years ago.  I think it was the second time we slept together when this happened.  For some context, she had portrayed herself as a total freak in the bedroom.  Anyway, she had me in her mouth and I asked her if she wanted to touch herself, while she sucked my cock.  She hesitated for a moment, then her hand went between her legs.  She was a complete g-spot girl but she started cumming almost immediately from touching her clit.  After a few moments, she looked up and asked if she should move so I could have a better view.  Uh, yes please!  She just kept cumming over and over, moaning and choking on my cock.  Yeah, it was hot.  What amazed me was how afterward, she gushed (literally and figuratively) over how hot doing that made her.  That she wouldn’t have thought much of it since she only usually had g-spot orgasms.  From that point on, any time she performed oral on me, her fingers went right for her clit.  There were occasions where I had to pull her off of me to move to another activity.  Again, I relished hearing her discovering new ways to enjoy herself, even into her late 30’s.  She told me the new trick turned her on so much that she’d had to pull out her toy every time she thought about it.  I taught her a few more new things but that’s another story.

Obviously, I enjoy the sexual tension that comes with treating a woman like my dirty slut (when she want's that, of course).  However, woman's desire isn't always sufficient motivation for me to properly (mis) treat her.  Even for an alpha male, such as myself, properly making a woman your fuck toy requires more effort than not doing so.  Having vanilla sex with a woman takes very little thought and no effort beyond the physical.  Kiss this, lick that, she sucks that, insert tab A into slot B.  Repeat for some period of time and you're done.  But taking complete control of someone requires thought, effort, and planning, because there's a balance to maintain between harsh and kind.  Not to mention many women have thresholds for pain and maximum humiliation one must be attentive to.  Therefore, for me, a woman must be worth the effort to provide the experience for her.  Because I amuse myself, I always say I have to completely respect a woman in order to treat her like a whore.

Despite all this, I'm certain someone has wandered off the street thinking 'he's just a jerk who gets off on humiliating women.'  While I am a jerk, the rest doesn't ring true.  I'll admit to deriving pleasure from the above activities, but it took time to do so.  Most of the excitement I feel revolves around knowing I'm satisfying my partner and her needs.

Someone else is skeptically that a woman can be a partner and equal, when they're being regularly humiliated.  Of course, that's complete bullshit.  Exhibit A is Scharzmugel, who regular readers remember from my entry on whether it's better to have loved and lost, etc.   You'll remember from that article how much Scharzmugel meant to me, how deeply I loved her, and how much I respected her as an equal.  Yet, she loved being my whore more than any other woman I've been with.  I loved her for being a partner and lusted after her as my slut.  

So men, cherish the slut in your life and provide the support to help her reach her full slut potential.  Women, embrace your inner slut and allow her to bring you the pleasure you deserve.  Let's celebrate the slut!