A New Dating Record

While this post is mostly about the new dating record, it'll also serve as a bit of an omnibus entry on life in KC as well as other things.

First, I'll share some initial impressions of Kansas City, from a dating perspective.  As I've perused dating profiles, a few patterns quickly emerged.  First, they sell a LOT of makeup in KC; I've never seen so much product on faces as I have here.  Another trend is that even the women are mostly rabid sports fans.  KC won the World Series a few years ago, so everyone's a Royals fan.  Then, there's the Chiefs for football.  Out here, being a Royals fan is like loving the beach in RVA; of course, this is the Midwest and there ain't no beach anywhere close.  I will say fewer women explicitly state they love to laugh, which can't be but so bad.  Finally, if I had any doubt about landing in the Bible belt, it's long since vanished.  I've never seen so many women who espouse their faith and trust God, yada yada yada...  While I have no issue with people of faith, I won't date one for reasons I've already discussed.  Finally, there seem to be an inordinate number of women with Harley's; no clue what's driving that.

While I'm on dating trends, I'll also share one that's seemed to be a bit universal.  So many women are posting face pictures run through a filter that is a mix between a soft focus and something else.  It removes wrinkles from their faces and makes them look vibrant.  I'm guessing it comes from one of the apps like Snapchat or something similar.  Regardless, I've seen a multitude of profiles with these pictures and wonder what the hell these women are thinking.  Sure, you look great in your pictures, but what sort of face will I encounter when we actually meet?  In my mind, this is even worse than the 10 year old, 50 pound lighter photos people leave on their profiles because this photo effect requires effort.  Just my $.02 on the subject.

I'm still homeless and living in an extended stay hotel.  Great for points but it's getting old.  I've been looking for a house to rent until I decide what I'm doing out here and the oddest thing I've discovered is that Johnson County keeps being brought up as where all the 'upper echelon' folks live.  Really?  A whole county?  The only instance of a whole county genuinely being home to the wealthy, almost exclusively, is Suffolk county in NY, on the eastern most portion of Long Island.  Think Hamptons and you'll get the idea. Back to KC, most of the houses that meet my criteria are in JoCo, so I've spent a fair amount of time traversing the area.  I can tell you that while there are certainly some very very nice homes, the place has its share of dumps as well.  The key attribute it possesses though is that being the only county that's not neither in the city nor middle of nowhere.  So, by default, it's the premier location to live in the area.

 On to the dating!  I unhid my Match profile, threw the location of my hotel on it, and began to explore (I've already covered those impressions).  Smelling the fresh meat of a single guy new to the market, I was quickly approached by a few women.

Conversation with the first one progressed quickly and at some point I mentioned writing this blog.  Initially she wanted to know whether I was dating solely for material for my blog.  Ummm, no honey.  Despite my insisting I was actually looking for a relationship, she remained quite concerned she'd wind up being discussed here.  I told her I'd seen just about everything under the sun, from a dating perspective and that she'd have to be particularly out there to find a place in my blog.  Perhaps one of my weaknesses is underestimating people.

Initially, when she reached out to me, I hesitated to respond because she wasn't the type of woman I'm usually interested in.  But she seemed kind and fun and uncomplicated.  When I say she was uncomplicated, I mean her mind was uncomplicated with any sort of deep thought; that was what made her not my normal type.  But, perhaps uncomplicated was what I needed at the moment.

Despite being uncomplicated, this woman brought more than her share of complications to the party.    She'd been in an emotionally abusive marriage with a man who body shamed her, so her self esteem was iffy on a good day.  She was also one of those girls who loved sex but didn't want to be labeled as a slutty girl.  To top it off, she bemoaned her trusting nature being taking advantage of by men she'd dated.

The only thing that kept me from bolting immediately was her early revelation that she was a dirty girl and sent me photos to prove it.  I'm a guy and hadn't gotten laid in awhile, so that sort of uncomplicated fun sounded great to me.  Stop reading if you've got an issue with that.  What made her more attractive was that she wanted our first date activity to take place on a Serta, since she'd also been without for awhile.  We both wanted a nice relationship, so this wasn't intended to be a one night stand, but our first date was about satisfying needs.  I already knew that in all likelihood, nothing good would come from this, but uncomplicated was so refreshing.  Except when it wasn't.

The warning signs kept trickling in the form of a few repeated themes.  She kept repeating how she was 'unique and a great catch' and 'wasn't like any other woman I'd ever met' to where it almost sounded like a mantra.  She had lingering body image issues and was insecure about her weight.

Oh I recognized it at the time, the fucked up self esteem and such.  But uncomplicated was so refreshing.

I thought it prudent to discuss expectations for our in outing.  Considering her self esteem issues, I was just waiting for her to decide to be a lady (another post to be completed).  I also wanted to discuss safety due to not wishing to receive a complicated gift that kept giving.  Before I could call, she sent me a note and said she wanted to be up front with me about her dating situation.  She'd previously told me about another guy she'd been talking to, who was on an international assignment but would be returning shortly.  She brought him up and said she took great pride in her loyalty and wanted to meet him when he returned.  He deserved 'a chance'.  Oh and there were three other guys she'd been talking to before I came along and she wanted to meet them too, for the same reason.   Again, because of loyalty.  Uhhh, what???

So, I called her that night and tried to help her understand that dating wasn't the same as little league; not everyone who signs up gets to play.  Grownups choose their best players in order to be successful.  Not to mention you have no loyalty to some dude who you haven't found interesting enough to even talk on the phone with.  I also told her that I would not be one of five, even though she clarified she wouldn't be sleeping with the others.  By the time you get to actual dates, dating isn't a competition where you meet a bunch of people, then rank them.  If you meet someone and really like them, you don't meet a bunch of others just to be 'fair'.  So, her not being able to narrow the field, so to speak, made it clear she was absolutely clueless.  She said that she hadn't thought of the situation the way I had; that I'd changed her mind and she would jettison the three extras.

With regard to sleeping together, I made it clear I expected us to remain monogamous, so long as we intended to continue with adult play time.  Bottom line is if you're sleeping with me, I don't want you screwing five other guys in between our encounters.  It's basic safety as well as serves to eliminate confusion.  It's a two way street because I reciprocate with the same, regardless of whether we're talking relationship or fwb's.  Despite explaining the situation to her in small words, she kept insisting I'd consider us to be in a relationship after we slept together.  I repeatedly explained that wasn't the case.  But she just didn't seem to grasp that sexual monogamy and a relationship were two different things.  The joys of an uncomplicated girl.

We discussed the safety issue to both our satisfaction.

Then, she returned to the her belief I was expecting an instant relationship and I kept trying to explain that wasn't the case.  She'd interject proclamations of how unique and special she was and how she deserved to be treated well.  Also, how she was nervous because of her body image.  Yeah, she was all over the map with dysfunction.  But she remained stymied on how monogamy doesn't always equal a relationship.  In her frustration, she began to insult me.

Well, that did it for me.  I all but hung up on her at that point, although I'm fairly certain I uttered a few choice words she didn't know the meaning of.

Uncomplicated is so refreshing!

I will say she was right about one thing though.  She was quite unique and unlike any woman I've ever encountered.  Her unique blend of stupidity, insecurity, and childish behavior will make her stand out for quite some time.

But wait, there's more!

Another woman had reached out to me and we'd begun to exchange notes.  She seemed okay, if not compelling, but could at least carry on a conversation.  Shortly after, our initial contact, I'd decided I'd already reached a point where I'd had enough of reentering the dating scene, so I hid my profile.  During an exchange, she mentioned something about understanding I was a Formula 1 fan.  I was duly impressed she managed to remember that from my profile.  In the next set of notes, she wanted to talk about the pictures on my profile, and began to note specific details in each one.  'I'm looking at the picture of you under your Porsche...'  Wait, what?  Then it hit me; she must have copied my entire profile, pictures and all.  Whether she had become mildly obsessed or not, I found it creepy.  I asked her how she was looking at my pictures when my profile was hidden.  I'm sure it will come as no surprise when I say she vanished, after that.

And there you have it, folks.  Right out of the gate, my first two encounters with KC women have yielded two fucking oddballs.  Oh, this is going to be quite the adventure.