Well, I seem to have stumbled across another potential loon this past week.
We connected per the normal course of events and seemed to have a connection, so we met last Saturday for dinner, and a good time was had by all. There wasn't much not to like about B; she was smart, well read, funny, hot as hell, great in the sack, and had the most delicious pair of legs I've seen in some time. The connection appeared to be pretty great, so we began spending a lot of time together (almost every night). About mid-week, I became cognizant we were rushing headlong into becoming a couple at rapid pace, which is rarely a good thing. As a result, my already highly sensitive nut case snooper went on full alert.
At that point, it dawned on me that we didn't have a huge amount in common except our mutual admiration. Our lack of commonality didn't escape me on the front end, but the new open TIB said to let it slide. After all, I was enjoying the companionship.
Yesterday, the craziness revealed itself in spades. I'll spare you the minute details, but here are the high points. This weekend, we were baking Christmas cookies; next weekend, we'd planned to see the Nutcracker. I'm the furthest thing from a ballet fan, but she really wanted to see it; happy relationships involve trade offs. In order to be able to enjoy this weekend together, I skipped the company holiday party yesterday; otherwise I'd have had to work this weekend. I also asked to skip the Friday night sleepover at her house because all the time we'd been spending together had prevented me from working out and keeping up the house. Plus, I needed to stock up on the basic building blocks for cookies (i.e. sugar, butter, eggs, etc.) and wasn't going anywhere near a Target or Wally World on a Saturday morning two weeks before Christmas.
Her email to me came before I sent my email saying I needed to skip Friday night. In her's she asked if we could see the ballet this weekend instead of next; her son was coming into town next weekend. I responded that I'd been looking forward to a quiet weekend and that the stress / events at work (where I was writing from) had made me hypersensitive to others changing my plans for me, but I knew how important seeing the show was to her, so we'd go this weekend. That I'm sure we'd have a great time.
And out came the crazy. In her next email, she shared her disappointment over not seeing me last night, having to skip the ballet (because 'no one should ever be forced to see the ballet against their will'), and one other thing having to do with cookie baking that would take longer to explain than the payoff would be worth. In reality, I hadn't asked her to sacrifice anything but last night's visit. She didn't attempt to ameliorate her comments by adding 'but I understand' or 'we'll make it work'. Just outlining the sacrifices she was making because of me. Initially, her note frustrated me because she was complaining about having to sacrifice two things she in fact, didn't have to. I thought she either possessed abysmal reading comprehension skills (not likely, as she's a teacher) or something much worse. She also made a comments to the effect that I was making it sound like all the work was falling on my shoulders and that I needed to put more effort into transitioning from 'single to not single'.
As a reminder, we'd had our first date the previous Saturday, less than a week ago! In any case, the more I mulled over her email, the more I began to smell something I hadn't experienced in quite awhile. The slight hint of the relationship being paramount, combined with the heady notes of 'you're not living up to your end of things', finished with the sweetness of facts taking a back seat to getting a point across. Wait, I remember that smell from when I was married! It's called MANIPULATION!!! Seriously, that email, combined with her response to my metaphorically sending a photo of me running away, slamming me for my lack of commitment (to someone I'd been dating for less than a week!), was incredibly similar to how my borderline ex-wife communicated with me. From manipulating facts to make me feel bad about how I wasn't being a good partner to slamming me for not living up to my commitment (at least my wife could point to a commitment I'd made), her communication had it all. Each little bit of manipulation crafted to further bind the receiver to the one who created it. You feel as though you're not 'doing your part' in the relationship, so you work harder, which actually means further supplicating to your nutsville partner's ideas of how a relationship should function.
Not knowing her for even a week, it would be flat out dumb for me to insinuate that B was a borderline (although B is for Borderline). But she certainly exhibited quite a few borderline traits, many of which I've not even mentioned. What I can say with absolute certainty is that I dodged a bullet by making like Usain Bolt and sprinting to safety.
And so, it appears this Christmas will be solo, stuck in the hell that is Kansas. Although, I'm still thinking cookie baking should remain on the weekend's agenda, because cookies.
How do you plan to spend the holidays?
LOL
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