If I'm allowed to carry a concealed handgun in the state I live, I plan on doing so. We'll skip the existential debate surrounding guns and such, because I won't go there. This post is intended to be another in the series that never ends on why Kansas sucks; the concealed carry permit application process. Since most of my readers have likely never applied for a concealed carry permit (CCW), I'll compare and contrast with the two other states in which I've held permits, Virginia and Pennsylvania. All three are 'shall issue' states, which means they will issue anyone a carry permit, unless a legitimate reason exists to not do so. In other words, the applicant need not justify the need for a permit (i.e. owns a jewelry store and carries large sums of cash) to receive one.
We'll begin with qualifications; what sort of bona fides does an applicant require to apply for a permit? (We'll assume our applicant has a clean criminal record and no other disqualifying attributes.)
PA: Nada
VA: Essentially, if you've ever taken a handgun course, been in law enforcement, or shot competitively, you're good.
A fairly low bar; I submitted my scores from previous matches I've shot.
KS: Applicants must complete a 9 hour CCW class that reviews gun safety and self-defense laws, followed by a handgun proficiency test (that literally everyone passes; the instructors made sure of that) and a written exam (with the same level of difficulty as the shooting qual).
Everyone must take the class. Doesn't matter if you're a former Navy SEAL, who practices defense law now. You're taking the class.
I've held a CCW permit for 20+ years and always taken an active interest in understanding the relevant laws. Plus, I shot competitively for a dozen years and even taught new shooter classes. As you can imagine, the class was beyond painful for me. I was a good boy though, and didn't call the instructor out on any of his bullshit, just sitting there and trying not to cringe. I did laugh at the shooting qual, not because it was beyond remedial, but because of the range officer's reaction. RO's were there for safety and to provide advice to the shooters, which they did by 'reading' targets (a way of identifying common mistakes based upon where the shots hit). I used the same tactic when teaching new shooters. The one in my area gets to my target, in which all the holes are neatly clustered in what would be the A zone if we were using a USPSA target (even though I'd not shot a gun in 9 years). He had this befuddled look on his face and reluctantly admitted 'I'm not sure how much help I can give you'. I chuckled and revealed my background. Hell, just the gun I was shooting likely had more rounds through it than all the other students had shot, in their lives.
Back to the process...
PA and VA: Take your paperwork (application and supporting documents) and a check to your local courthouse. Submit, get fingerprinted, and receive your permit in the mail in 7-10 days.
KS:
Have passport photos taken.
Attach two of those to your application, then take all your shit (certificate from the mandatory class) to the local sheriff, along with two checks (one for the AG, the other to National Inbreeding Foundation, the fuck if I can remember). While they've got you bent over for the fees, they'll also fingerprint you.
In some period of time, you'll receive something in the mail that says you're approved. You'll take that to your local drivers licence center, where they take your picture (what the hell happened to the photos I already submitted???), and mail your permit in another 7-10 days. Quick and efficient!
Let's discuss fees.
VA and PA are both $35
Kansas continues to demonstrate how it excels in all aspects of sucking donkey dicks. You'll be writing checks for $132.50. No, that's not a typo.
To add one final dimension of suck to Kansas, their permit's only valid for four years, where VA and PA are good four five. Fuck, for $132, Kansas' permit should be valid for a decade and include valet service!
I have to admit to being a bad boy, in class, when the instructor went through the required steps. It was a completely involuntary uttering of 'you've got to be kidding, right?'
Let's wrap up with a quick recap.
PA and VA:
One stop at your local sheriff / circuit court
Cost $35
Your permit is valid for 5 years.
Kansas:
Four stops, including 9 hours lost in a class I didn't need.
$132.50
Valid for 4 years.
And I know what you're thinking; 'He's just looking for things to bitch about, now. Kansas can't suck that badly.' You're wrong. While it was with neither glee nor joy that I relocated here, I actually had the mindset that the only thing I'd be giving up was topography and the richness of Richmond itself, and having 2 hour access to the beach, mountains, and DC. I figured 'how bad could it be?' The fact is that Kansas has repeatedly beaten me about the head and neck, seemingly yelling 'you made such a mistake moving here; what the fuck were you thinking???' Seriously, even removing the flatness and bad roads from the equation, every damned aspect of living here is worse than anywhere I've lived before. I've racked my brain, attempting to identify one point of life, one little thing that's better here than the East Coast. But there just aren't any. Restaurants, grocery stores, things to do, cost of living, dating, ease of life, weather...they all suck here. Perhaps my new hobby should become binge drinking.
Happy living, readers!
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