2018 So Far

We're a little over a month into 2018 and not much has changed here in Flat City.

I remain single and am not engaging with anyone, much less meeting; I'm just not interested.  Beyond the way too typical problem of meeting my criteria, having something to say, etc. incompatibility when it comes to faith continues to rear its ugly head, here in the Bible belt.  Regular readers know of my issue with someone claiming to be a devout Christian, but openly wanting to fuck, and soon.  Flat out hypocrisy.  Anyway, Kansas is thick with women who fall into this category.

This is a temporary situation and the most I want, while I'm here, is a superficial dalliance.

To that end, a few weeks ago, I decided to put my religious hypocrisy issues aside and meet a woman who was both active in her church and thought she may have wanted some first date sex.  Yes, I was in need of some (naked) human touch.  Unfortunately, she had already proven to be quite the bumpkin, having moved from middle of nowhere Nebraska (I know, redundant description) to the big city (hah!) of KC, and hadn't been much of anywhere else.  She was intelligent, for sure, but worldly, she was not.  When we met, I just wasn't feeling it, nor was I feeling well, because of the flu someone gave me on a plane somewhere.  I somewhat blew my chances for a quick fuck when I responded to her question of 'So, how do you like it here, so far?' with 'I fucking hate the Midwest'.  Did I mention I sort of lose the ability to simulate charming, when I'm sick?  And I'm still wondering why she didn't want to go home with me...

On a similar note to the above (the middle of nowhere portion), I was chatting with a guy on a flight 'home' the week before last.  I mentioned just moving here and he responded that he and his wife had never been happier about relocating to KC.  I asked where he had moved from to which he noted a small town in Iowa.  It literally took all of my restraint to not blurt out 'no shit KC's better if you've been living in fucking nowhere all your life!'  But I didn't.

The other major contributing factor to my not wanting to date right now has to do with Kansas itself.  I've already documented all the ways in which this state sucks humongous hirsute equus asinus genitals and it's truly sunken in that coming here was a mistake.  Yes, I enjoy my job; I've gotten to meet real rocket scientists at NASA and a big chunk of my product guarantees every SpaceX rocket functions.  But work's only 10 hours a day and leaves a lot of free time to fill.  Ultimately, I think I'm avoiding emotional involvement in order to prevent putting down roots here.  The same goes for exploring the city; why bother learning about a shitty town when you plan on getting the hell out in the next few years?

While my employment contract has a small escape clause, 'because Kansas sucks' isn't in there; I checked.

As I sit in a place that will struggle to reach freezing today, while Richmond might hit 70 degrees, I ponder another topic that makes me less than jovial.  My Porsche is finally in transit from Richmond to here.  Ordinarily, being reunited with it after 6 months would excite me, but the roads here, even if they weren't covered in salt, are flat, straight, boring, and in shit condition.  The car may very well be sold, since it likely won't exit my garage more than three or four times per year.

I promise to put more effort into refraining from the 'woe is me; Kansas sucks' entries, unless I discover a new way it does so. 

Now, get off my flat lawn...

They Lie About Meat Here!

As regular readers already know, one of the pleasures I cherish most in life is dry aged, prime beef.  Back in Richmond, I had a butcher who regularly carried such a delicacy, in addition to pasture raised, and Midwest grain fed beef.  They knew me by name, so I may have spent a little time there.  Back to KC, I've already documented my first carnivorous outing as a complete disaster, but I still had a few spots to check.  One is only about ten minutes from my office, so I popped by on Friday, after work.  As I traversed the constantly worsening neighborhoods, not finding prime beef became a secondary concern, behind just getting out alive.

I arrived safely, but quickly became discouraged once I walked through the front door.  The cases were filled with a lot of not so awe inspiring meat.  Oh well, I'll just get a few things, since I'm here.  Once I'd made my choices, the guy who waited on me led me to the register, where another older gentleman was running the machine.  Although I surely knew the answer, I still posed the question 'do you ever get prime beef here?'  The older gentleman cast a look to the younger guy and said 'show him'.

Long story short, I was taken to a huge walk in cooler, with dozens of sides of beef hanging in it, and told most of that was prime.  And the angels sang.  They didn't keep it in the front case, because that was the high volume operation.  Next time, I should call ahead and they'd cut anything I wanted.

So, this past weekend, I did just that.  I'll skip to the part that matters, which is what the butcher told me -  'uh yeah, we don't have USDA graders, so it's technically not prime.  If we paid to have graders, our best meat would be prime, though.'    Wait, last time I was there, I was shown all this meat that was supposed to be prime.  Eh, fuck it; just give me a super thick ribeye with a ton of cap.  When I picked my meat up, my fears were justified.  What they sold me would have never passed for prime in the first place.

For those who've never experienced prime beef, perhaps a visual comparison would help.  The top photo shows genuine USDA prime beef, that's been dry aged 30 plus days.  Note the copious amounts of intramuscular fat (aka marbling) and that the steaks look dense and big for what they are.  The almost dry look of these steaks are evidence they've been dry aged.  These steaks were the best I've ever had (which I'd say about every prime steak I purchased from my butcher in Richmond).

If we compare with the meat in the photo below, which is what I purchased this weekend, you'll see none of those attributes are apparent.  It's not that this steak was bad; it was fairly good.  But it sure as fuck wasn't prime or anything close to it.  Hell, I've had choice grade beef that was closer to prime than this.

To summarize, even the damned Bible Belt dwellers lie like rugs.  Oh, and the wind hasn't stopped blowing since I arrived in September.  Someone get me out of here!

For those interested in more detail about how beef is graded, take a look at this:

Plenty of Shit

Plenty of Fish was never the greatest dating site in the world, although this was mostly due to the user base.  It was free, after all.  For some reason, I received less responses from that site versus Match.  I've previously remarked how the same woman would ignore my note on POF only to initiate contact on Match.  But at least the site worked and allowed you to meet others.  Until now.

Around the holidays, the app decided it no longer recognized me.  Went online and same thing; username and password no workee.  So, I asked the site for a ''reset my password' email.  Days go by, no email; and yes, I checked my spam.  So, I create a new profile.  This one is literally deleted within minutes.  Same for the next one and the one after that.

For the record, I've done nothing to violate the terms and conditions of the site.  Hell, I haven't been on it long enough to piss anyone off!

Plenty of Fish Website - Today

So, I decide to give POF some time to fix whatever glitch they're having.  More accurately, I'm tired of creating accounts only to have them wiped within minutes.  In any case, in a moment of boredom, I tried again tonight.  I even register from another email address, just in case my usual one's been flagged for some reason.

It would be great if I could report the site's been fixed, but my new profile was wiped within half an hour or its creation.   In other words, POF is still the same massive pile of shit it was over the holidays.  I'd report the issue to POF, except there doesn't seem to be a way to contact the site.

As a reminder to my readers, POF is owned by Match.com, as is OKCupid.  Considering how unreliable the latter has become, I'm more than a bit concerned that the other sites will begin to experience serious issues as well.  Being that I'm a paying member on Match, I'm protecting myself by cancelling my membership and removing my payment information.  I would strongly consider my readers do the same, since the online dating house of cards may come crashing down at any point.

Looks like it's back to the bars for meeting people!

I Don't Date Men

More than a few readers have made the comment that I'm hard on women, that they're constantly the targets of my dating entries.  I can absolutely see where one may draw that conclusion.  I've poked fun at women's dating profiles, the loony behavior of ones I've dated, and been particularly hard on certain women.

In reality, I'm equally tough on everyone.  I call it as I see it, with very few exceptions, even raking myself over the coals, when appropriate.  And trust me, I love women.  In fact, I've learned more about how to truly love someone over the past seven years, than in my way too many years prior.  However, by its very nature, my blog will only include my experiences with women.  The reason is very simple.

I don't date men.

Furthermore, as bloggers, we tend to write about experiences that have either hurt us, confounded us, or truly shaped us.  For me, it's a means to gain a better understanding of what transpired or exorcise it altogether.  'I had a nice date with a lovely woman and plan to see her again' doesn't typically require either of those actions.

Back to the topic at hand.

I don't date men.

For that reason, I don't read men's dating profiles, so I don't see the garbage they put on them.  Despite women recounting the crap that men write, no man's profile will ever appear in the DPOW.

Because I don't date men.

It would also follow then, that I have no experiences in dating men.  And I only write about things I'm intimately familiar with.  From what I've read and been told by others, men are just as screwy, when it comes to dating.  Hell, from what I know, I'd consider that to be somewhat of a given.  But I can't say for certain, because...

I don't date men.

So, I apologize if it sometimes seems that I'm brutal, when it comes to the fairer sex.  You'll have to trust that I don't go around seeking opportunities to bash women.  But again, no experience with anything else, because...I think you get it.

Semi-Annual Dating Profile of the Week - December, 2017

Yes, what was once a weekly endeavor declined to monthly frequency, then quarterly, and now semiannual.  The truth is garbage profiles all run together after reading the same crap for the 101st time, they lose impact.  However, once in a while, a profile jumps out as truly dreadful, such as the one below.

As usual, I've copied the entire profile, so readers can completely soak in the lunacy.  While longer than most of my previous examples, this is one that does keep on giving.  It comes from Emptynester, a 44 year old woman from Bucyrus, KS.  She's a bubbly, blond, type, who clearly spends her free time fearing carbs.  Empty not only seeks someone who likely doesn't exist, but takes 'here's what I don't want' to a new level of greatness.

I'm currently living in Columbia, Mo. My daughter is now a junior in college, so I able (and ready) to relocate if I met the right person. 

I've had two long-term relationships with two very great men. I'm three years out of my last relationship, and I'm ready to find another great partner. 

I will openly admit that I don't enjoy this experience too much, so in an attempt to save time/energy, please understand that I am at a point in my life that I would prefer to not deal with the demands of young children. Also, physical fitness is a VERY important part of my life and consumes a great deal of my time; I am also an active yogi and practice daily meditation...these are my passions. It is an ABSOLUTE REQUIREMENT that whomever I date also desires to live aligned w these passions. If you do not, please respect my time. I apologize if that comes across as rude, but I'm here looking for a partner, not friends or compliments. 

ADDENDUM: I have encountered a lot of "John 14:6 Christians" lately. For the record, I am an extremely spiritual person: I believe in a Higher Power, and I believe there are MANY paths that lead to God. I do not discriminate on a person's path unless "that path" forces you to be so ridged that you believe "your way" is "the only way". If you believe Jesus Christ is the one and only Son of God, we most definitely are not a Match: DEAL BREAKER. I'm not here to debate religious beliefs. 🙄


ADDENDUM II: I'm not a fan of facial hair, and it would take a lot for me to get beyond it: too scratchy. 😉

If we share these similar interests/beliefs, I look forward to hear from you; if we don't, I wish you the best in your search!

Initially, I struggled to properly describe all the ways this woman is just plain batty, but quickly realized there's no need.  She does it all by herself.

Be careful out there, my single friends.  

Match's New Feature For Those With No Personality

When it comes to online dating, regular readers know how little regard I have for those with 'phoned in' profiles, that show little to no thought was involved in creating them.  I've already explained myself to death, on the topic, in previous entries, so I'll skip that tirade here.  Why?  Because I've just stumbled on a new low that's got me ready to launch into a whole new one!

I recently traded notes with woman on Match, who had indicated her interest via one of the various passive aggressive means available on the site.  She didn't have much on her profile, but I've been trying to be a bit more forgiving and open minded on the issue.  Still, it was no surprise when her repartee turned out to be on par with that profile.  One sentence responses that added nothing to what couldn't be a conversation on its best day.  Needless to say, once I ascertained she had nothing to say, I quickly blew her off and didn't give her another thought.  Until today, that is, when I came across two other profiles with identical verbiage to hers.  In each case, their entire profiles consisted of nothing but the following:

'I consider myself to be very outgoing. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. But it hasn’t always been this way – I was super-shy as a kid. I’m a social butterfly now, but was definitely a social caterpillar back then!'

What the hell???  Is there some sort of 'dating profiles for lazy people' resource out there?

As you can see, Google has found quite a number of dating profiles, all with the same verbiage.  

So, off to this blog I went, ready to launch into the tirade that you know is about to follow.  Except something just changed, literally as I typed.  When I discovered the other identical profiles, I sent an admittedly mildly snarky note to the first woman; sort of a 'I know you copy/pasted from somewhere'.  She replied that Match had a choice of canned profiles from which new users could choose, should they be too uninteresting or lazy to write their own.  She might not have said it that way, but I can't remember.  

Believe it or not, I'm somewhat of two minds with respect to Match's enabling the boring to be even more so.  On one hand, I find that option to be stomach turning.  Seriously, profiles consisting of 'I love to laugh' and 'I love the beach' have never looked so good to me.  Even if they showed no imagination, at least the words actually came from the person whose profile they appeared in.  To use a standard profile just screams 'I have no personality!' that much louder.  However, the marketing professional in me admires the site for being creative in generating revenue.  Let's face it, dating sites are primarily merchandising vehicles, not unlike eBay or cars.com.  They all provide platforms for selling a product (ourselves, the case of dating sites), so attracting and retaining customers is crucial to their business model.  Match has created a means by which even the mostly brain dead can create a profile.  And since a canned profile won't get much interest unless the owner is attractive, the product will remain advertised for a particularly long time, without being purchased, generating additional revenue for the platform.  However, from the perspective of someone who thinks people have lost the ability engage their target dating audience, the canned profile remains something for me to loathe and make fun of.

Happy dating, friends.

Update:  I've been trying to spot these cookie cutter profiles and will post the ones I find below.

People say I’m quiet-natured, but I’m actually just a really good listener. I don’t talk as much, because I like to process and think before I offer my opinion.

People say I’m quiet-natured, but I’m actually just a really good listener. I don’t talk as much, because I like to process and think before I offer my opinion.

The Hits Just Keep Coming

Well, I seem to have stumbled across another potential loon this past week.

We connected per the normal course of events and seemed to have a connection, so we met last Saturday for dinner, and a good time was had by all.  There wasn't much not to like about B; she was smart, well read, funny, hot as hell, great in the sack, and had the most delicious pair of legs I've seen in some time.  The connection appeared to be pretty great, so we began spending a lot of time together (almost every night).  About mid-week, I became cognizant we were rushing headlong into becoming a couple at rapid pace, which is rarely a good thing.  As a result, my already highly sensitive nut case snooper went on full alert.

At that point, it dawned on me that we didn't have a huge amount in common except our mutual admiration.  Our lack of commonality didn't escape me on the front end, but the new open TIB said to let it slide.  After all, I was enjoying the companionship.

Yesterday, the craziness revealed itself in spades.  I'll spare you the minute details, but here are the high points.  This weekend, we were baking Christmas cookies; next weekend, we'd planned to see the Nutcracker.  I'm the furthest thing from a ballet fan, but she really wanted to see it; happy relationships involve trade offs.  In order to be able to enjoy this weekend together, I skipped the company holiday party yesterday; otherwise I'd have had to work this weekend.  I also asked to skip the Friday night sleepover at her house because all the time we'd been spending together had prevented me from working out and keeping up the house.  Plus, I needed to stock up on the basic building blocks for cookies (i.e. sugar, butter, eggs, etc.) and wasn't going anywhere near a Target or Wally World on a Saturday morning two weeks before Christmas.

Her email to me came before I sent my email saying I needed to skip Friday night.  In her's she asked if we could see the ballet this weekend instead of next; her son was coming into town next weekend.  I responded that I'd been looking forward to a quiet weekend and that the stress / events at work (where I was writing from) had made me hypersensitive to others changing my plans for me, but I knew how important seeing the show was to her, so we'd go this weekend.  That I'm sure we'd have a great time.

And out came the crazy.  In her next email, she shared her disappointment over not seeing me last night, having to skip the ballet (because 'no one should ever be forced to see the ballet against their will'), and one other thing having to do with cookie baking that would take longer to explain than the payoff would be worth.  In reality, I hadn't asked her to sacrifice anything but last night's visit.  She didn't attempt to ameliorate her comments by adding 'but I understand' or 'we'll make it work'.  Just outlining the sacrifices she was making because of me.  Initially, her note frustrated me because she was complaining about having to sacrifice two things she in fact, didn't have to.  I thought she either possessed abysmal reading comprehension skills (not likely, as she's a teacher) or something much worse.  She also made a comments to the effect that I was making it sound like all the work was falling on my shoulders and that I needed to put more effort into transitioning from 'single to not single'.

As a reminder, we'd had our first date the previous Saturday, less than a week ago!  In any case, the more I mulled over her email, the more I began to smell something I hadn't experienced in quite awhile.  The slight hint of the relationship being paramount, combined with the heady notes of 'you're not living up to your end of things', finished with the sweetness of facts taking a back seat to getting a point across.  Wait, I remember that smell from when I was married!  It's called MANIPULATION!!!  Seriously, that email, combined with her response to my metaphorically sending a photo of me running away, slamming me for my lack of commitment (to someone I'd been dating for less than a week!), was incredibly similar to how my borderline ex-wife communicated with me. From manipulating facts to make me feel bad about how I wasn't being a good partner to slamming me for not living up to my commitment (at least my wife could point to a commitment I'd made), her communication had it all.  Each little bit of manipulation crafted to further bind the receiver to the one who created it.  You feel as though you're not 'doing your part' in the relationship, so you work harder, which actually means further supplicating to your nutsville partner's ideas of how a relationship should function.

Not knowing her for even a week, it would be flat out dumb for me to insinuate that B was a borderline (although B is for Borderline).  But she certainly exhibited quite a few borderline traits, many of which I've not even mentioned.  What I can say with absolute certainty is that I dodged a bullet by making like Usain Bolt and sprinting to safety.

And so, it appears this Christmas will be solo, stuck in the hell that is Kansas.  Although, I'm still thinking cookie baking should remain on the weekend's agenda, because cookies.

How do you plan to spend the holidays?