Early North Carolina Dating Observations

 Regular readers shouldn't be surprised I'm already scoping out the dating pool in my soon to be new location.  I'm human and therefore have needs for human interaction with and without exchange of bodily fluids.  Those needs have mostly been suppressed for the past four years, but knowing I'll be in civilization soon has them beginning to simmer again.   

Ordinarily, I'd wait for a meaningful data set of experiences before claiming to have any sort of insight, but in just the past 18 hours I've encountered four profiles that included the exact same sentiment; looking for the D to my s.  I've only seen that sort of thing spelled out perhaps four times in the past four years of living here and maybe twice in the decade I lived in VA.  Further investigation will be required before I can legitimately call it a trend, so we'll see.  I think I'm going to really like Raleigh.

This Is A Gun, It Goes Bang, You Loser

TL;DR - my pistol shooting skills went to hell and I went back to basics to unfuck myself.  It worked.

As a recap, I'd taken a decade off from competition, but returned when I moved to Kansas, because there's fucking nothing else to do here.  My match performance wasn't embarrassing, but my gun broke, sidelining me for the rest of the season.  

2020 was a pandemic bust, but I began practicing in the Spring of 21 with the intent of returning to competition.  However, I sucked worse than I've ever sucked at shooting.  When I'd draw my gun, it wasn't a given that I'd hit the target and when I did, the hole was at the bottom left, almost out of the scoring area.  Worse yet, I discovered I couldn't shoot any pistol well.  No, the worst part was I couldn't figure out why I was sucking so badly.  So, I did what anyone with grit and determination would; I quit and went rifle shooting.

This past winter, I decided to pull my shit together and unfuck my pistol shooting.  You're reading this now because of the approach I took, which was to treat myself as a beginning competitive shooter and go back to basics.  What I found was that my grip on the gun was way too weak, making it an unstable shooting platform.  I attribute this to spending much of the past two years learning to shoot a rifle accurately.  When shooting a handgun at a high rate of speed, you employ a veritable death grip whereas with a rifle that's resting on something stable (bipod, sandbags, etc.) your grip must be incredibly light as to not disturb the gun when you pull the trigger.  

The other issue I discovered was that I was shooting faster than I could see.  In other words, I was pulling the trigger before my sight was where it needed to be in an attempt to shoot quickly.  This isn't uncommon with competitive shooters.   It's been particularly difficult for me to break myself of the habit, but muscle memory works against me here.  Back when I was shooting hardcore, I knew exactly how long it took between shots for the gun to settle back down for another shot.  And I could see much faster because I practiced so much.*  So, it's tough to not simply pull the trigger at the same cadence as I would have a decade ago.

There were a few other things I identified, but I'm confident no one wants to read about that level of minutia.

Going back to basics worked for me.  My draw time (from the buzzer to first shot) is back down to 1.3 seconds and my mag changes are consistently 1.5 seconds, both within .3 seconds of my best performance.  Even better, my practices have improved dramatically.  I sucked so badly last year that I'd stand and hammer the basics (draw, target to target transitions), looking like Stevie Wonder on the range.  My last practice moved past the basics a bit and today, I was finally confident enough to shoot on the move (and hit the target).  

I've included a video of my performance in the last major match I shot (2008), where I placed in solid Master territory.  It's here for those who still have no clue what sort of competition I shoot as well as to prove that I was pretty solid at one point.  Keep an eye out for the mag change at 25 seconds.

* The ability to "see fast" is something that most world class athletes share.  A Formula 1 driver, moving at 200 mph has to be able to process all of that information coming at him to not crash, never mind win.  I read an interview with one of the great MLB hitters (whose name I've since forgotten) and he said that the entire time a fast ball was coming toward the plate, he could see every stitch and how it was moving.  In both cases, most of us see nothing but a blur.

Vlad the Moron, The Thief, The Nut Job, The Loser

This will be my last boring Russia Putin entry until the war takes a dramatic turn.

I can't help but return to how Putin's stupidity has guaranteed his own failure in achieving his goal of returning Russia to the glory of the old Soviet empire.  First, it was never glorious.  It was isolated, gloomy, and not a pleasant place in which to live.  

I'll start by revisiting the origins of the Soviet empire and how it was built.  With the exception of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, which the USSR invaded at the outset of World War II, the USSR received its so called empire from Europe's division by the Allies after the war.  Granted, the USSR was an integral part of the Allied victory in Europe (and Japan to a lesser degree, depending on who you believe), but there was no grand conquering or popular outcry.  It's a lot easier to repress than to conquer, and repress they did.

The USSR was classic communism in that the state owned everything and decided who got what;  houses, vacation dachas, factories, companies, your refrigerator, etc.  What was made, how many, and its selling price of everything was determined by Central Planning.  The open market meant nothing to supply and demand.  There weren't multiple companies competing for orders, because it was all the State.  So the quality of everything sucked.  There was no incentive for a plant manager to build an excellent product, because the penalty for sucking didn't exist.  Likewise, there was no incentive for anyone to "work their ass off to build a business" because it wasn't theirs in the first place.  Everything was built based upon quotas, which are never a good thing.  There's an example from my undergrad days that's stuck with me all these years, which illustrates why quotas are bad.  If you're in charge of making men's suits, you'll be allocated a certain amount of fabric, given a number of suits you're required to make, and the date you'll be required to complete production.  Of course, you'll do what guarantees success, not the right thing.  You'll make everyone one of those suits a small because larger ones take more time and material to make.  And those suits will be of horrible quality, because that's not part of your directive and you have no competition to beat you.  As a result, your fellow countrymen suffer because they can't buy a usable suit, but the whole country suffers because no one on the free market wants your crap.  Most importantly, as a citizen of USSR, there was always a lack of basic necessities.  This is why communism always fails, always.  

Communism did have the benefit of keeping corruption to a minimum.  Revenue, profits, and taxes were closely monitored, because the government was everyone's accountant.  Sure, there were opportunities to fudge the books, but to what end?  It's not as though there were many options to spend your ill gotten gains if you were corrupt.  Everything was state owned, so you couldn't buy vacation home in USSR and you couldn't leave the country to buy one in the South of France.  And everyone was a government informant; turning someone in may mean more potatoes for the family.  Also, let's not forget the penalty for defrauding the government, which was a visit from KGB, some fun and games in the basement of Lubyanka, followed by an all expenses paid trip to Siberia. Quite the deterrent.

What all of this meant for the government was there was some, not a lot, but some money in the central coffers and it largely went where Central Planning said, even if that wasn't always the right place.  Jet fighters received proper maintenance, tanks were built, soldiers were trained, and so on.  Not so much went toward basic necessities for the populace, but hey, life's tough in the USSR.

Today, Russia relies on tax dollars to fund defense and other government activities.  All well and good until you realize that the entire oligarchy and their companies are Olympic level tax evaders, so there's not much in the coffers.

And it doesn't stop there.  Another reason the Russian army is sucking ass right now is because a big chunk of the money that was available was syphoned off on the way back down.  Funds allocated for equipment upgrades, training, and maintenance have been pocketed by generals and others.  It's not as though they needed to be prepared for a war or anything.  Oops.

On the commercial side, profits also get funneled back to Vlad, with several stops along the way for others to dip in.  As I've said, innovation can't occur when industry's profits are diverted into someone's pockets instead of having those fund available for things like R&D, process improvements, and system optimization.  What most don't realize is that Russia will never be a world leader in anything or lead innovation in any area.  The Russian people have been repressed for centuries and the general populace doesn't see the value of hard work and excellence, because it's been a waste of time (and has become again).  They just don't give a shit and their work shows it.  Apparently, half of the palace in St. Petersburg was falling down before the czar stayed there the first time.  If this offends, go read up on Russian history and prove me wrong.  

The numbers don't lie.  I'll use GDP per capita, because it accounts for difference in population size.  In 2020, Russia's GDP per capita was $10k versus the $63.5k for the US.  In other words, our GDP per capita was over six times that of Russia.  Over the past decade, Russia's has decreased by 50%, whereas the US has increased 25% in the same period.*

Wrapping things up in a tidy package, what this all means is that Vlad's own greed will prevent him from achieving his goals.  The kleptocracy he cultivated has left him with a fighting force that couldn't beat the Salvation Army.  I've read that he wants to isolate Russia further, but I don't buy it.  His ego won't allow that.  He wants to be on the world stage and to be seen as the conquering leader of a powerful empire, a statesman commanding respect and fear from other world leaders.  But even he knows this will never happen, because he's isolated himself from even his closest advisors.  The dude's become paranoid.  He's terrified of being overthrown, lest he be imprisoned, killed, or given an extended vacation in Lubyanka to participate in all the fun activities there.  Until then, he'll continue to be a despot and common thief with a few personality disorders.  

* Russia's economy spiked dramatically after the fall of the Soviet Union.  This was driven by the free market suddenly producing all of the basic necessities that Central Planning had gotten wrong.  Think toothbrushes, not state of the art electronics.  Once those goods were in the pipeline and the populace got what they needed, the economy plummeted again.

Ukraine, Putin, and Biden

This wound up being longer than I'd anticipated, but there's a lot to cover regarding Ukraine and Russia.  I hope you'll find the time you spent reading it to be of value.

 There's a lot of bitching about Biden going off script and endorsing regime change in Russia (i.e. deposing Putin).  Many are saying his statements could escalate the war and sabotage peace talks.  However, let's face facts.  Old Vlad won't back off  until he's either won in Ukraine or leveled the fucking country.  Negotiations are a flat out joke, because whatever commitments he makes are meaningless.  Not to mention he poisoned the Ukrainian delegation this past week!  This asshat won't change his stripes, so the only way to bring peace to Eastern Europe is for Putin to die.  So, you can not say regime change all you want, but everyone knows that's the only way to end this.  Diplomacy is not going to work, this time, kids.  Truly, I can't see how Ukraine comes to the table with anything but "I concede you getting the fuck out of my country and providing copious reparations, because your president is a fucking imbecile."

For the moment, at the very least, we should be knocking out the Russians' ability to kill civilians and destroy non-military buildings.  These are war crimes and must be stopped, period.  Addressing the shelling would be a piece of cake for a couple Delta units.  They could sneak right up on the artillery and mortar emplacements, destroy the equipment, and not take prisoners (fuckers are war criminals prima facie and witnesses would be a bad thing).  They can carry AK rifles (which they're trained on) and use the explosives in the shells for the demolition.  In and out, with no evidence left behind who did it.  As for air power, fuck Putin; we complete the deal on the Migs from Poland.  He doesn't get to set the rules.

There are those who say such actions will escalate the conflict and cause Putin to potentially use nukes and they're correct.  But the fact is if we don't get involved with Ukraine, there will likely be another conflict that will be escalated, once he decides to go after Poland, Latvia, Estonia, or any of the other former Iron Curtain countries that border Russia and are now a part of NATO.  And he definitely will keep going, if he gets away with this invasion.  He's been very clear in his intentions to return Russia to the glory of the former USSR empire.  An empire that was rather shitty, by all accounts, but Putin has a grudge on his shoulders.

Would Dickhead use his nukes?  Who the fuck knows?  Then again, who put him in charge of the rules?  If his nukes are anything like his tanks and aircraft, it'll still be ugly, but the destruction won't be mutual, because half of his missiles won't launch.  Regardless, we'll reach that decision point, regardless of the outcome in Ukraine.  Admittedly, this all assumes he chose Ukraine for both cultural reasons as well as the fact it wasn't in NATO, making it an apparent slam dunk.  And who knows what's in his head?  Who knows what he actually knows about how the war's going, considering how giving Vlad bad news is well regarded to be a career and life limiting move.  Recent intelligence says he's not receiving all the facts and is pissed at his ministry of defense.  It could be a game changer if he really didn't have a clue how his forces were sucking ass.  It could cause him to actually back off.  

More on Putin and Russia Itself

My take on old Vlad is he's a slightly smarter Donald Trump, except he doesn't babble incoherently and was able to pull off a complete autocracy, whereas Cheeto Face failed.  There's no doubt he's a narcissistic sociopath, complete with a strong sense of entitlement.  That's been apparent from when he was a teenager, according to what I've read in various sources.  He remains pissed over the fall of the Soviet Union, which deprived him of a "glorious career" in the KGB.  In reality, he wasn't a very good agent, in the first place, being stationed in Dresden, where nothing really happened during the Cold War.  Yet, he continues to proclaim himself as a KGB man, because it suits his persona.  The informal creedo of the KGB was "The State First".  It's clear Putin doesn't meet that standard.

Taking a step back, Russia has been a kleptocracy since the fall of the USSR, when much of its industry transitioned from being state owned to the XXX  Boris Yeltsin and his clan made billions by grabbing all the plum companies in areas like energy and industry.  However, Yeltsin was reaching a point where he could no longer govern and needed a successor, who wouldn't either kill him or put him in jail for his raping of the country.  

Putin had already established himself as a corrupt piece of shit as the deputy mayor of Saint Petersburg, where he managed to divert hundreds of millions of dollars, earmarked to bring food into the city, where its residents were starving to death.  When the mayor was charged, Putin didn't give him up and helped him escape the country.  While Putin was woefully underqualified to run the country, he had proven himself to be loyal, which was all Yeltsin cared about.  Because history repeats itself, those are the exact same reasons Putin will never step down.  Once in office, Putin consolidated his power to where he is now.  Part of that power is establishing a system where the oligarchs syphon off a not insignificant amount of their profits to him (and themselves) in return for him having their backs with the law.  Contrary to what some may believe, these oligarchs have no real influence on Vlad, as illustrated by what happened to Mikhail Khodorkovsky.  Khodorkovsky owned Yukos Oil and was allegedly the wealthiest of the oligarchs, worth over $15 billion.  But he made the mistake of openly criticizing how Russia's kleptocracy prevented it from becoming a world leading economy.  He did this during a meeting with all the oligarchs and more importantly, Putin.  Within a year, Khodorkovsky was charged with massive tax evasion, arrested, and jailed, with Yukos being broken up and gifted to another oligarch.  After serving several years in Siberia, he now lives in Switzerland in exile.

Which brings me to the irony of Putin.  He could make Russia great and even continue to be a despot if he simply stopped being a crook.  Corruption has become so endemic to Russia that innovation just doesn't exist anymore.  There was precious little of it in the old USSR, but that was for different reasons (i.e. communism doesn't work).  Russia's industry has zero value to the rest of the world, beyond what they pump out of the ground, because its technology is antiquated.  If Vlad had half a brain cell and really cared about Russia, he'd have not been a scumbag himself and put an end to the corruption that's slowly killing the country.  At the very least, he'd have a respectable fighting force to retake Ukraine because their shit would work.  

Changes, They're A Comin'

This has been an eventful week, and it's only Wednesday.

First, the fantastic role with the Indian folks has turned to shit.  The first client, who was supposedly a slam dunk, has been dead silent for almost two months.  As you may recall, this is the company that had been owned by the principle of our startup, and he had a personal relationship with the new owner.  Said new owner was allegedly ready to move on the engagement, but wanted to socialize the idea with his staff.  I find it to be highly suspicious that my principle has been completely unable to connect with this guy, considering they go out for drinks and the like.  A friend would at least tell another friend "hey, this is dead."  The Indians sent me a list of alternate potential clients, with the intent of talking this week.  None of the proposed companies fit in our model and no invitation for a call has been sent my way.  

The other significant development is that I'll be receiving a job offer by end of the week.  Not only will I finally have some solid income, but this role will have me relocating to Raleigh, NC.  My first choice was Richmond, VA but the only way that was going to happen was if I secured a remote role and Raleigh has been at the top of my alternates list throughout the process. 

While this is all great, I'm not looking forward to the move, with it now including parents and a dog.  From a gun fire perspective, I'm concerned about a potential lack of options.  There's plenty of matches all over the place there, but very few places to practice, it seems.  Difficult to shoot matches if you can't practice.  There's one private club in the area and membership is limited to 300.  Yeah, I'll be dead before that call comes.  One step at a time.

Working From Home - TV News Pundit Edition

 Earlier today, I was watching coverage of what else, but the war in Ukraine and the pundits that were chosen for this particular segment were pretty substandard.  The discussion had transitioned to a roundtable, in which each of the three guests were thrown a question.  Except one of the pundit's attention was clearly elsewhere, because when the host changed topics and asked her to comment on said new topic, she had to be virtually shaken to get her attention, at which point she commented on the topic that had been wrapped up.  Perhaps it's just me, but were I invited onto a news show to share my expertise, I wouldn't be playing Candy Crush while on air.  After all, you prove yourself to be eminently TV worthy, you receive more air time and all the cool shit that comes with it, like credibility.  The perfect example is the female Asian doctor, who's been all over the media as a Covid expert.  (and don't give me shit for the way I described said doctor; had I not added those two descriptors, you wouldn't have a clue who I was referring to)  Considering how much airtime she's gotten, from all the major networks, I can't imagine she won't be on Dancing With The Stars soon.

The second pundit was well spoken and remained focused for the segment, which was quite impressive, considering he had just gotten out of bed minutes before air time.  Here he is, bedhead and bathrobe.

Gang Bang Queen - The Final Chapter

I'm almost embarrassed to admit that it took a couple of days to stop smarting over the recent GBQ encounter.  But I'd challenge anyone to not be shocked, taken back, etc. under the same circumstances.  The cherry on the top was, according to trick's review, she displayed more skill at certain things than she had with me.  Either that or he was inexperienced.  Or maybe she only brings her A game when she's getting paid.  I've finally been able to identify what bothered me the most / the actual emotional equivalence.  I think we all have former lovers / partners / etc. who I'll categorize as "not completely eliminated, just bad circumstances"; those who were the stars to realign, we'd entertain seeing again. They live in the back of our minds as potentially unfinished business.  However, there are rare completely disqualifying 'things', that can rip them right out of the category.  When that happens, it almost feels as though that person dies.  That's how it felt when GBQ informed me she was escorting again.  You don't recover from hooking, at least for me.  Regardless, the incident flared the fuck out of my intimacy issues.

For what it's worth, I don't think the move was to intentionally hurt me; more of a completely thoughtless way of saying "hey, look what I'm doing".  It almost felt as though she were proud of returning to sucking dick for a living, which is really quite fucked up.  For the record, I consider sex work to be actual work and I know there are those who enjoy it.  However, to leave a decent paying job to return to sex work is a different ballgame.

In reality, it felt as though she'd reached out because she lacked any real support structure in her life.  However, the more she said, the more it began to feel like a pity party.  She indicated she was done with actual relationships and made comments to the effect that she was where she belonged (I'm not sure if she meant Scotland or on her knees; maybe both.)  She didn't like the US, because of the gun violence and mass shootings.  Because her fiancé blew his brains out five years ago she continues to be triggered by anything gun related.  She said she was working to get past that, when we were dating, so it felt like she was just piling on the pity.  It would be cruel to take the position that she's not allowed to feel traumatized, but she didn't witness him do it and it's clear she's not sought any professional help to get past it.  

She was in full swing about how horrible her life was when I chimed in about her complete absence of  contrition for ghosting me, then a year later, hitting me in the face with her little hooker excursion.  As I previously mentioned, that's when she disengaged.  Fuck, she didn't so much as throw a bit of perfunctory sentiment of being sorry.  Definitely not a hooker with a heart of gold.  If I'm ever that self-absorbed, someone shoot me.

At the end, I just wanted to virtually grab her by the collar and give her the speech.  You're fifty one years old and left a decent paying job to be a fucking hooker.  Beyond sucking dick (which you didn't do that well), you have no transferrable skills that would allow you to stay in Europe and make a living.  It's time to grow the fuck up and face your challenges.  You can either seek help or be a sniveling little bitch, being triggered by everything.  And no, it's not easy being single at this stage in life; it can be traumatizing.  But how many decent men are going to want to be with a woman with a pattern of being a hooker when things get tough?  I sure as hell wouldn't date you again.  Pull your shit together and grow the fuck up.

As a final funny point (as in fucked up, not humorous), I found her online hooker ad, which lists all the services she offers and sure enough, she's available for gang bangs.  Here's the link, if you're so inclined.  (btw, she's about doubled in weight since I last saw her)

Gang Bang Queen for Hire

As of today, she only has one review and her calendar seems to be wide open.  Not much of a whore...

p.s. - I realize my tone is a bit cold on this entry, but I'm out of fucks to give for people who won't grow the fuck up.