I'm almost embarrassed to admit that it took a couple of days to stop smarting over the recent GBQ encounter. But I'd challenge anyone to not be shocked, taken back, etc. under the same circumstances. The cherry on the top was, according to trick's review, she displayed more skill at certain things than she had with me. Either that or he was inexperienced. Or maybe she only brings her A game when she's getting paid. I've finally been able to identify what bothered me the most / the actual emotional equivalence. I think we all have former lovers / partners / etc. who I'll categorize as "not completely eliminated, just bad circumstances"; those who were the stars to realign, we'd entertain seeing again. They live in the back of our minds as potentially unfinished business. However, there are rare completely disqualifying 'things', that can rip them right out of the category. When that happens, it almost feels as though that person dies. That's how it felt when GBQ informed me she was escorting again. You don't recover from hooking, at least for me. Regardless, the incident flared the fuck out of my intimacy issues.
For what it's worth, I don't think the move was to intentionally hurt me; more of a completely thoughtless way of saying "hey, look what I'm doing". It almost felt as though she were proud of returning to sucking dick for a living, which is really quite fucked up. For the record, I consider sex work to be actual work and I know there are those who enjoy it. However, to leave a decent paying job to return to sex work is a different ballgame.
In reality, it felt as though she'd reached out because she lacked any real support structure in her life. However, the more she said, the more it began to feel like a pity party. She indicated she was done with actual relationships and made comments to the effect that she was where she belonged (I'm not sure if she meant Scotland or on her knees; maybe both.) She didn't like the US, because of the gun violence and mass shootings. Because her fiancé blew his brains out five years ago she continues to be triggered by anything gun related. She said she was working to get past that, when we were dating, so it felt like she was just piling on the pity. It would be cruel to take the position that she's not allowed to feel traumatized, but she didn't witness him do it and it's clear she's not sought any professional help to get past it.
She was in full swing about how horrible her life was when I chimed in about her complete absence of contrition for ghosting me, then a year later, hitting me in the face with her little hooker excursion. As I previously mentioned, that's when she disengaged. Fuck, she didn't so much as throw a bit of perfunctory sentiment of being sorry. Definitely not a hooker with a heart of gold. If I'm ever that self-absorbed, someone shoot me.
At the end, I just wanted to virtually grab her by the collar and give her the speech. You're fifty one years old and left a decent paying job to be a fucking hooker. Beyond sucking dick (which you didn't do that well), you have no transferrable skills that would allow you to stay in Europe and make a living. It's time to grow the fuck up and face your challenges. You can either seek help or be a sniveling little bitch, being triggered by everything. And no, it's not easy being single at this stage in life; it can be traumatizing. But how many decent men are going to want to be with a woman with a pattern of being a hooker when things get tough? I sure as hell wouldn't date you again. Pull your shit together and grow the fuck up.
As a final funny point (as in fucked up, not humorous), I found her online hooker ad, which lists all the services she offers and sure enough, she's available for gang bangs. Here's the link, if you're so inclined. (btw, she's about doubled in weight since I last saw her)
As of today, she only has one review and her calendar seems to be wide open. Not much of a whore...
p.s. - I realize my tone is a bit cold on this entry, but I'm out of fucks to give for people who won't grow the fuck up.
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